How My Holiday Turned Into a Spiritual Practice
by Patrik Horváth
I didn’t expect too much from Barcelona. Really. I was there two years ago, had a beautiful weather, went to the beach, tried the Catalan cuisine, saw most of Gaudi’s remarkable buildings and climbed up to the summit of Montserrat. One could say I had nearly everything which can be experienced and done in five days in that city. I didn’t have the feeling that I go back any time soon.
As some of my friends have never been to Barcelona we decided to have a trip this year and I was welcome to join — so I did. Everybody was so excited on the airport although our plane was delayed, except me. I was in a hurry to catch the others, but that was just because to avoid missing the flight, not because the feeling are we there yet.
As the plane started almost 10PM I tried to sleep a bit without any luck so I decided to continue reading Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth until landing. I was thinking about how strange it is that others are fantasising about the Gothic quarter or the beach and this crazy little man dives into his book and read about consciousness and non-attachment.
On the other day I let the others discover and enjoy the city and decided to just have a walk alone, feel the vibes of the inner city, have a good lunch, do some mandatory shopping and continue reading that book. In the evening we discussed how everybody had spent his or her day and my part was easy: I did nearly nothing. And that nothing brought quite a huge amount of peace into my life.
While I was taking a break between two sections in the book I was contemplating about what will be with my daily yoga practice as I didn’t bring neither proper clothes, nor my mat with me. It was quite an obvious option that I miss some days — fuck it, it’s my holiday after all.
But after watching the clouds for a few minutes I picked up my phone and started to compose an e-mail to Antonella Accinelli, an authorised Ashtanga Yoga teacher whose shala was quite close to where we lived. Within an hour the response was in my mailbox — I was welcome to join her mysore class. I closed the book and went to one of my favourite vegetarian places in town to have a lunch with such a good feeling in my heart.
While I was heading to the place I was thinking about how this could happen that I’m walking alone in Barcelona and doing nothing extraordinary while the other part of the company is currently collecting unforgettable memories. First I thought that it’s because I have already seen those things, but for the second time I found another reason.
I just allowed myself the luxury to be present, to live in the moment. Not thinking about what should I do instead of what I’m currently doing (or not doing), but enjoy what it is right now.
It just wasn’t that I lost the interest in this journey at all, but I didn’t have bullet points about what to see and what to be done. Most of the people have a collection of things that they should watch or stuffs they need to see or done. As I didn’t have such a list I did what felt good to me in that moment. If it was watching seagulls on the beach then I was doing that. If it was listening to an exact song while walking down on La Rambla then I was doing that too. The only thing which was common in these activities is that they brought joy to my life in that particular moment.
When I woke up on the next day at 8AM I was a bit nervous of what is coming, but I really enjoyed having new experiences. The Yoga Nilaya shala where I was heading to was opened around a year ago and already has many students. Antonella is really a very good teacher and such a kind woman, therefore the trust from my side was there from the first moment. I learned a lot while I was practicing with her and the assistance was really helpful to further improve my practice.
Although I had very good feelings after my first class there on Sunday I didn’t know yet that the most profound experiences take place in the forthcoming days. In the same afternoon we had a walk after lunch in the Gothic quarter. We visited many cathedrals and in one of them there was a mass. A woman was singing and her voice was really beautiful. Two years ago there was also a mass there, but that time I just acknowledged it and then went away. This time my experience was quite different.
Back then I was wondering because of the architecture, but on this Sunday afternoon I was shivering when I heard that voice. Although I didn’t understand a word it really touched my heart, it got much closer to my inner body. For me it sounded like a mantra which we are always singing. It enhanced my inner peace.
It was a new experience that something which I don’t understand gave me joy.
I was singing the refrain in my head and while slowly getting closer to the exit I was watching the colorful candles at the same time. As David Cain wrote in his essay “Why do you do what you don’t love?”:
“This. This is my dream.
Not the swim in the waterfall pool. Not the Milford Track. Not New Zealand. But the feeling of finding yourself in a place you could not have imagined before you were there, and could never properly relate afterward.”
I had a similar kind of dream while this was happening. I felt connected to something bigger than myself. As David wrote this feeling, this joy suddenly disappeared as we went out from the cathedral and wasn’t there before we entered into it.
The next morning was really amazing. It was Monday so I was on my way to the shala around 6:15AM. As nearly nobody was on the street and the Sun didn’t yet come up fully I felt such a miraculous peace while I was getting closer and closer to the yoga studio.
It’s not so common that I listen to music so rarely than when I was in Barcelona. After I finished my practice and started to walk home I put on my headphones and started listening Invocation from Deva Premal. I discovered soon that I have quite the same joy that I had in the cathedral a day before. I was moved, I was lost in time, itfelt like that it’s not my legs that helped me moving. My trip back to the flat was felt like it was shorter in time than it was in the morning — but of course it wasn’t. On the contrary it took a bit more time.
Once you experience what this kind of joy really is, you will somehow start to change your life to experience it as many times as you can, as long as you can and run away from situations quickly where nothing happens that can bring you closer to it.
It can come from any kind of activity though— including doing nothing at all. In case of my holiday I didn’t let the fear of missing out play a part throughout my journey as well as meeting others people’s expectation. From the outside it can look like I am selfish or something is wrong with me, but that is just a kind of misunderstanding from the other side. The thing is I valued both my time and others’. I knew that I wouldn’t fully enjoy doing the same activity as my friends were doing on the first day, therefore by missing out I let them fully enjoy those moments instead of watching me suffering from the edges of their eyes.
This journey made me realise what Iyengar really meant when once he said:
“Yoga does not just change the way we see things, it transforms the person who sees.”
After the disposal of the shoulds, the need tos, the have tos and the used tos and free yourself from a world of expectations and old patterns a completely new universe starts to arise in front of your eyes. Most of the time you simply just feel it, but can’t see it physically — then you begin to realise that a transformation of consciousness and self-awareness is happening here.
Although I saw Barcelona two years ago it was a different Barcelona that I experienced this time. Of course the city didn’t really change it just the feelings I had which weren’t the same. All the things I saw brought me a different kind of feelings than back then. I sensed the city from another perspective and this time I felt like I was at home. It was not because of a second visit, but because of the existence of inner peace and the lack of any expectations. Once you find that kind of peace, it goes with you wherever you go. Therefore you’ll always be at home.
Once you find it…
