41.

To be vulnerable is what I fear most in this world

It is to be open to threat, to rejection, to ridicule, to heart break

It is to be unsure of what will happen next, of where I’m headed to

It is to be stuck in an open space

A dark open space with nothing solid around you

Nothing to hold on to, nothing to fall back on

Nothing to look forward to

There’s only you and the space around you

Assurance is what I need most in this life

Assurance of love, love and more love

Assurance of security, belonging, joy and happiness

With this assurance, comes peace, perfect peace

With this assurance, there is hope, there is a resting place

There’s a light and not at the end of the tunnel

But right there in front of you

Big question is, how to get to this point

Denial keeps us away

All sorts of excuses to justify our running away

It takes so much effort to keep moving but that’s what we know best

There’s no strength, not enough assurance

To bring us to surrender

So we keep running

We see doom looming in the distance but still can’t stop

Deepest prayer is that someone finds us

That someone stands in our way and pulls us out of the road we’re taking

Most of the time, there’s no one there

Once in a while, a flicker of hope

That almost immediately dies off

And we’re again, all alone headed towards destruction

You can’t call it off yourself

You already would have

You don’t see how you make it through day after day

Somehow you do

As a last resort, you choose to resign to your fate

All efforts so far have been in vain

Even with this notion

The deep prayer

The yearning in your heart for salvation remains alive