42.

Love. Peace. Mercy. Grace. Hope

Faith…
I doubt the existence of these ideals
Once I believed in them
I was totally taken in
And nothing else at that time made sense to me
Except these very… “ideals”
They say come one, come all
They lie
The “all” is a formality
So that they can pick their kind from the multitudes that show up

Rejection
Now that, I relate to
That, is real and non-exclusive
Free for all
Whether you want it or not
You get your share
For a while, you don’t believe it actually happened
Especially not to you
Because, damn!
Life was good when you were a part of it
Right now, away from it and looking back
You realise that you never really were a member
Never really fit in with the crowd
Stood out — like a sore thumb
That could only mean one thing

Hypocrisy
It’s all over, so it’s nothing new
Just that no one would expect it among “the ideals”
Still trying to come to terms with it
Sad really, considering the number of people
That flock there for solace
For a chance at a better life
The poor innocents don’t know what they’re getting themselves into
I’d warn them but life is one hard lesson you have to learn yourself

Self-reliance
This is something that should be taught to everyone
Everyone who’s unable to define themselves
And wastes their whole life searching for “who they are”
Searching for what they think makes them a somebody
I pity the like because they’ll get no answers where they’re looking
Answers
Leads me to

Questions
There is nothing more frustrating in this life than endless
Spirals of questions which are merely ignored
Nothing more nerve-wrecking than waiting on the sealer of your fate
Then they don’t even show up
And don’t bother to tell you why
Or pat you on the back and say “give me time”
Or anything… Anything!
I mean, how hard can it be to just whisper gentle assurance
A whisper that will only be heard by whoever its intended for

Despair
What next when the light has been switched off?
The path that looked so clear and was so well mastered
Isn’t in sight anymore
No amount of groping in the dark finds the way back
No amount of calling out, crying, begging elicits a response
Back to square one
Staying there is tempting because there’s barely any strength to plan ahead
But it’s not an option

Fight
No way I’m letting myself lose
I’m wiser now
And as I forge ahead on a whole new journey
I plan to win
I plan to overcome
Forget the past
It didn’t kill me, only made me stronger

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