Dancing (somewhat clumsily) with MY King
Posted on behalf of Tasha Bullock
What does it mean to walk with God? I am good at walking. You ask me to run and I can run — I will never say I will win the race but I will definitely not stop. I don’t look pretty and I have ugly breathing (all you runners know what I am talking about!) but I will run and I will not stop — this small but significant insight into my running style actually, very accurately sums up my walk with God.
But — ask me to dance…and I, slowly, with ugly breathing, run away. I am a brown girl and I am expected to have rhythm & groove & vibes (a cool word that cool dancers use). News flash! I don’t. I can’t dance pretty like my friend who smashes the dance moves on the dance floor — I am the one doing the white girl, two step shuffle in the corner (white girls don’t be offended!). Yep, that’s me!
We humans are complicated beings and we like to complicate who we are and what we do. Walking with God is actually very simple — it is a very simple, two step shuffle with the King.
When God spoke to me about this through an inspirational woman — Joy Graetz — I was dumbfounded by the simplicity of what God was asking of me.
“Come dance with me.”
As I pondered on this, God and I had a, let’s just say ‘little discussion’ about what he was saying to me. (That is ‘Christian’ talk for, I cried, He spoke, I cried, He spoke, I got annoyed , He went quiet, I apologised, there was silence, I thought about it, I prayed, I cried, God Spoke). You see, we will all come to a place in our Christian walk where God will say to us,
“STOP! Come dance with me”
I realised that I had stopped dancing with him. I was back in my corner of life doing my two step shuffle — my back was turned, I couldn’t see Him, I couldn’t hear Him and I was dancing alone.
By the way — it is NEVER God’s intention for you and me — to dance alone.
What God was wanting from me was intimacy — Intimacy goes beyond what we know, beyond what we see and what we are currently in — intimacy is being in a place that is completely surrendered and vulnerable — a place where everything else is stripped away — and that is exactly what God did with me over the next few months. I completely understand now what Shrek meant when he compared himself to an onion with many layers.
The purpose of intimacy is more than spending time together getting to know each other. It is about going deeper into those unchartered waters of your heart and soul while allowing God to see, speak to, change, prune and expand the essence of who you are. I found myself in a place laid bare before God — not because I had been bad, or because I had backslidden, but because He wanted intimacy with me. I was confused for a while because I felt abandoned & alone; naked — but through the noise in my head I heard a whisper…“Come dance with me”. Sometimes his voice comes as a whisper in the noise around you — it cannot be confused with anything else — it erodes all fear and unknowing. It is subtle yet so distinct that, at times, you are stopped frozen in your tracks at the sound of it — it is comforting and reassuring yet it cuts like the sharpest of knives — it speaks clarity and love and truth. When you hear Him — it is unmistakable.
Knowing how to ‘step it out’ with Jesus requires a few basic things that we like to overthink sometimes — this is what I have learnt:
1. You need to know Him
Draw near unto him. In a dance with the King, his ultimate purpose is intimacy. It is internalising everything about him and acting instinctively and intuitively with him. When I questioned God about this whole ‘dancing’ thing and why he was showing me this, (yes — I have been known to question God on a number of occasions!) He said that when you dance with me you don’t just feel me beside you. You will hear my whispers; you will be able to see into my eyes; you will know the sweet smell of my breath on your face; we will move as one — you and I; I will capture your full attention. WOWSERS and here I had limited dancing to my two step side shuffle and in doing so, had limited God in my life! God knows how to romance us people! He is looking for the first place in our heart! Knowing him is more than just reading about him. It is a complete and whole awareness of Him in you and you in Him — this is what he desires first and foremost of you and I. Our relationship with Him is a lifelong journey of spiritual transformation — we will never be finished until, it is finished!
2. You need to know you.
Knowing Him better, means you will get to know you better. I have also been on a lifelong journey of finding out who I am in Him –knowing my identity in Christ, as a woman of God, a daughter, a wife and as someone in this world. For too long I was told I was nobody. I wasn’t told this exclusively through the words of others but I came to believe this through things like, where I lived, where I came from what others did before me and who my friends were.
There was no expectation for me to do well. My Dad left me when I was 2 years old. I grew up without a father and knew no different until I became a Christian at 17 years old. It was only then that I began to wonder why my Dad left me. I struggled with the fact that he chose to leave. I felt that there must have been something wrong with me for him not to want me. I wrestled with this for a big part of my early Christian walk. I felt that if my own Father chose not to want me then, why would anyone actually choose to want me? I know many girls struggle with this. There is great news for us all because our identity is not found here on Earth in this place with us humans — it is written across all time and declared from the Heavens above — I am His and He is mine! Before the foundations of the Earth were laid, He KNEW ME, He called me by name! He calls me daughter and His favour is upon me. He declares I am His! His love for me is absolute, overwhelmingly abundant and transcends all eternity. Knowing who you are in Him enables you to walk in the authority of His rule and reign over all of this Earth — you have inherent in you His DNA. Never be mistaken — you are a daughter of the most high King! Walk your journey knowing that.
3. You need to be led — by him.
In a traditional dance, the male leads. He does not pull you from here to there but gently with his hand in yours and yours in his and his arm around your waist and his legs, stoic beside yours, his eyes fixed on yours — he guides, he nudges — he leads. Our job is to let him. Be so engrossed in Him that the movement between you is as if you are one. Learn to see Him, to hear Him, to follow His scent. Shadow him, closely.
I do not profess to be an authority on this. In fact — when Aroha asked me to contribute to this blog, I wondered ‘What do I have to offer?’
Well, what I have to offer is this: a real journey with a real King. I am Tasha — wife to Marty Bullock; mother to Cody, Molly, Luke, Ruby, Eva & Josephine; teacher to the most amazing students; slow runner with ugly breathing; daughter of Iliafi & Fia Esera & Doreen and Richard James. I am me — nothing special but special to Him! I am learning to dance my dance with My King. It is a journey. I am not always graceful and sometimes I stumble but he is there — I feel him, I know it. I look forward to the day when I can dance with him completely uninhibited with grace and poise worthy of My King.
Him, me.
From me, to you. XX
