Can You Hear Me?
I see the colorful banners promoting this year’s homecoming dance posted all around the school yet it filled me with dullness. “Who cares about some stupid dance anyways…even if the theme is Stranger Things. Sigh. My favorite show” I thought to myself. Well, the real reason being that I knew no one was going to ask me and seeing all the leftover rose petals in the hallway from all the cheesy proposals saddened me. It was the day of the homecoming dance and no had asked me. “God was I single” I thought to myself. I constantly felt alone and that no one can hear me.
“Hey Taylor!”
“Oh hey Marcus!” she says giddily as she flashed a quick smile.
“I was just wondering if…”
I noticed how Marcus showed up to school with bedhead hair. It looked so cute to see his dark brown hair flop to the side instead of his usual slicked back style. My eyes then trailed down to his lips. I notice the tiny little cracks covering his unchapped lips. I hear muffled noises, but I could not make out what he says. I finally snapped out of my trance when I hear a shuffling of steps and see Marcus hovering over me.
“Hellooooo Taylor. Can you hear me?” he asked, his voice filled with concern.
“Yeah sorry about that, what was it you asked” I replied embarrassingly.
“I was just wondering will you go to the homecoming dance with me?”
Did I hear correctly? Did my crush of two years really asked me to one of the biggest school dances of the year? I started to feel very insecure about myself. I felt as if many pairs of eyes were watching my every move, down to my breath. My breath then got heavier and I started to hear my own heartbeat. Beep beep beep. When Marcus noticed the anxiety running through my veins, he hugged me and my breath began to restabilize.
“Taylor it’s okay for you to say no. I won’t be mad,” he said reassuringly.
“No no NO! I would love to go with you! I don’t know what came over me,” I said.
He then chuckled and swung his arm around my shoulders as we walked to our last class.
Once the bell finally rang, the hallways filled with swarms of students running out the gates of hell. It was so crowded that I almost lost sight of Marcus. Luckily he was 6’2 so he was able to easily spot me. He instructed me to hold his hand tightly so we can make it out alive. As we reached the school parking lot, he told me that he’d pick me up at around 7 before he drove off. I walked to my car, and began to feel a set of eyes watching me. I quickly ran into my car and drove home.
I began to get ready by taking a nice hot shower then blow drying my hair. I ensured that my baby hairs were not sticking out as I straightened my curly black hair. Unfortunately for me, I had to wear the homecoming dress I had bought for last year since I did not know I was going to go this year. Marcus had taken care of the tickets before he asked me, in case he needed to guilt me into going with him.
However, I then realized that I never even wore the dress before. It was still in its garment bag with its price tag and everything. I wonder if it still even fit me. I stripped myself down to my underwear and unzipped the dress. It was sort of like a cocktail dress, but a crimson red one. There wasn’t a ton of beading, just a few on my upper body. The sweetheart cut really flattered my breasts, but it made me feel self-conscious. “What if people think that I’m trying too hard?” I looked at myself in the mirror and felt exposed. It was as if someone was probing into my brain and pulling out the negative innermost thoughts.
My head began to feel stiff out of the overwhelming amount of things I was thinking. I laid down and felt the presence of someone with me. Warmth took over my body as I felt my hand getting heavier, as if someone was resting theirs on top of mine. I suddenly regained the energy and confidence to finish getting ready.
The makeup look I wanted to recreate was a not-so-harsh reddish smokey eye with some glitter which took me about an hour to do because I did not know how to blend the eyeshadow. I was even feeling a little bold and wore a Smashbox red lipstick and glued on some dramatic eyelashes. I looked at the time and noticed it was barely 6 and I still had about an hour before Marcus showed up. I decided to take a 30 minute power nap so I can feel re-energized for the dance later. Good thing I didn’t show up to the game, based on Instagram, the other team ended it with a bang.
Honk. Honk. HONK.
Knock knock. KNOCK KNOCK.
“Hello Taylor…can you hear me in there?”
I woke up to the sound of someone banging on my door. I was not even fazed because I knew it was Marcus, it’s in his nature. What did faze me was that the time was 7:15. “Man, I can’t believe I overslept. I always sleep more than I should, I’m surprised Marcus even woke me up. I’m usually knocked unconscious when sleeping,” I thought to myself as I put on my red stilettos.
I opened the door to see Marcus in an all baby blue tuxedo with a red tie. Of course we didn’t color coordinate, he asked me out of the blue just earlier today, but we still looked pretty good together.
“Wow Taylor,” he said breathless
“You look as beautiful as ever.”
I giggled and thanked him as he escorted me to his car and drove us to the school.
When we arrived at the school, I was actually taken aback by the decorations in the gym. They were actually pretty neat and everything about the dance screamed Stranger Things to me. I was content to say the least. Marcus led me straight to the dance floor where my favorite song “Act Up” by City Girls was playing. Don’t ask me why, it just is.
After raving a little bit, slow songs began to start playing.
“WHAT’S UP EAST MIDDLETON!” screamed the DJ.
The room bursted out into screams and “what’s up”s.
“This next song is going to be a slow one so go dance with that special someone.”
Marcus aggressively grabbed ahold of my waist as the song “Let’s Stay Together” by Al Greene filled the room. Now I’m not one for oldies but I somehow new all the lyrics to this one. Marcus seemed to notice because he asked me how did I know this song.
“I don’t know” I said honestly.
“I felt like I’ve heard it somewhere before, but I don’t know where from. I know it wasn’t from this guy because I remember a female singing this.”
We just brushed it aside as the next song started to roll around.
After dancing for another 45 minutes, Marcus needed to go use the restroom. Leaving me alone on the dance floor. I decided to go get some punch so I don’t look awkward all alone. All of a sudden, I was approached by the star quarterback.
“Taylor is it? I just wanted to say that you look stu-stunning in that dress” Josh stuttered.
I laughed because he was honestly so adorable. I know that Josh wasn’t the most liked out of the football team because he focused more on academics than football, and I think that’s what made him seem less intimidating.
I then hear a loud slam from the gym door behind me and caught a glimpse of Marcus stomping out of the gym. I excused myself and went to go chase after Marcus. I saw him walking into the woods by our school and I hesitated to go after him, but I knew he would do the same for me. I started running through the tall trees that began to heavily sway with the wind. The wind was howling so loud that I couldn’t even hear my own screams for Marcus. It was almost like the wind was screaming my name. All I could hear as I was running was “Taylor, can you hear me?” It began to drive me insane.
“YES I CAN HEAR YOU, WHAT DO YOU WANT?!” I screamed back, tears running down my cheeks. I felt a tap on my shoulder and my fight or flight response kicked in, and I nearly punched the poor creature, only to see it was Marcus.
“Taylor, what’s wrong and why are you shivering?” Marcus asked worryingly.
“The wind is ma-king me c-cold Mar-cus,” I said teeth chattering. Marcus gave me a confused look before saying “there is no wind, there hasn’t been any tonight.” I stopped in my tracks looking dumbfounded. The word “oh” was all I could utter.
We chose to ignore whatever went down just now and decided to head back to the gym to make the most of the night.
“Were you jealous?” I asked shyly.
“Just a little” he said bluntly.
I seemed shocked that he considered storming off into the woods as being only a little jealous, which scared me to think of what he was capable of doing if he was really jealous. It freaked me out to be close to him that I made up an excuse saying I had to go use the restroom, just so I can run out of there. As I was running through the woods and passed the parking lot, I see a big bright light coming from a car and boom everything went pitch black.
At least until a couple seconds later when I woke up, but I found myself in a hospital bed. I was greeted by a great big white light and a soft breeze against my toes. “How did I not die?” I thought to myself. I then noticed that there were these strangers in my room, yet they somehow looked familiar. When the people in the room realized that I had opened my eyes, they began to cheer and cry. This little girl was the first of many to embrace me, and I felt warmth running through my body like I haven’t felt in awhile. The last woman to embrace me squeezed me so hard, I was afraid that my boobs were going to fall out of the thin cloth.
“Oh Taylor, how we missed you” she sniffled.
I did not know how to respond, heck I didn’t even know who this woman was! Out of the kindness and pity from my heart I said “I missed you too.” I repeated that phrase about 3 times because I noticed that my voice sounded 10x deeper than normal. I noticed that my boobs were gone and I had pecs instead. I looked at my once dainty hands to see rough, manly hands.
“Umm…” I muttered to the woman.
“Who are you and what’s going?” I asked.
She let out a deep sigh before telling me that I hit my head while cliff jumping with my cousins.
“So I was not run over by a car?”
“Oh heavens no!” she cried.
“How long was I out for?”
“Almost a year” she said.
“You’ve been here for almost a year and your family and I came here everyday to sing and talk to you. In hopes that one day you will hear me and wake up.”
“What do you mean family, I’ve never seen you before in my life!” I scoffed.
The woman froze and I could hear her heart shattering into millions of pieces. I was instantly filled with regret and guilt that I apologized.
“I’m sorry, I just…” I started choking up.
“I don’t know who you are and I just want to see my parents because I’m so scared right now.”
“Oh honey,” the woman said.
“I am your mother.”
My jaw nearly dropped to the floor as my head began spinning. How much of my life was a lie. Why can’t I remember who these people are? What happened to Marcus? Was what we had was real? Was he even real? How come I don’t look the same?
“How come I don’t remember any of you?” I asked out loud.
As if on cue, the doctor walked right in and answered all the questions I had.
“So I was in a coma that affected my hippocampus?” I asked.
“Yes” he replied.
“How did I wake up?”
“You must have had a high stimulus experience that triggered your heartbeat to regulate.”
My mind then went back to how I died in a car crash. I shivered at the thought and what became one thought birthed into millions. Do humans ever die or whenever we DO die we are reborn to another life? What if I’m in another coma right now? How do I know this is my real life? These dark thoughts saddened me until I thought of a rational question to ask that bothered me, the moment I woke up.
“How come I’m a male now?”
“You were always a male in this life. However, in your state of unconsciousness you must have envisioned yourself as a female — your unhidden desire.”
I gulped because I did not know how my newfound family would take the news because it is true, I want to be a woman, I know I’m a woman. To my surprise, they were still filled with glee and seemed to be supportive and understanding. I turned my head to face them.
“So you were with me this whole time?” I asked in disbelief.
“Of course! Everyday I would always sing ‘Let’s Stay Together’ to you, in hopes that God will let you stay here with us not just physically. Your little siblings would constantly be shouting your name, thinking it would somehow wake you up,” she chuckled with tears filling her eyes.
“I’m sorry for crying, it’s just that, I was starting to lose hope because sometimes we would hear your heart beating but then it would crash and nothing. NOTHING, you’d be breathless. We even paid for brain scans to see if you were brain dead or were there any kind of activity. We were always calling out to you, wondering if you could even hear us.”
“Wow,” I paused for a second to gather my thoughts.
“I remember this one time I called back to you or to whatever I thought you guys were and I felt so alone. So cold.”
“Well I can hear you now,” my mom said reassuringly.
“And I can hear you,” I replied.
