Compassion is not a new word in English, but it’s definitely a trending one. If you’ve been hearing the word and having to guess its meaning, join the club.
I invited one of my precious teachers, Clive Holmes, to clarify the scope of the word, and help us understand how we can improve our lives by being more compassionate towards ourselves and others.
Clive Holmes has been a meditation teacher for over twenty years. He is the co-editor of the books Taming the Tiger and Restoring the Balance by Choje Akong Tulku Rinpoche. He has an honorary appointment as a Teaching Fellow at Aberdeen University. Clive has also completed over a year of intensive meditation retreat, and is currently lecturing and sharing his wisdom in the UK as well as overseas.
So I ask Clive that very expected question: what is compassion?
Compassion in our language is derived from Latin compassionem, which means co-suffering — com is ‘together’, patior is ‘to suffer’. So most of the time we think that compassion is to suffer with somebody. But compassion actually has an element of wisdom to it.
For instance, imagine seeing someone drowning; you wouldn’t just jump in to drown together; you would jump in to save that person from drowning. But in order to do that first you should know how to swim. So what is compassion?
Compassion is the skill of helping others without getting overwhelmed by their emotions.
A part of the compassion is the ability to stay stable, no matter what, because only then can you really help someone else. And the wisdom here is knowing how to deal with our own emotions first.
It sounds like compassion is a recipe with several ingredients. What else is there?
That’s right. Another important ingredient in compassion is courage. Courage to face emotions without wanting to run away, or without trying to change them. Only with courage can you accept and stay present with what’s happening.
The ability to listen is also an important ingredient. You should be able to listen to what others are going through — or listen to what you are going through yourself — without reacting. So your heart is open to whatever is happening, while it’s happening.
It sounds like compassion is the ability to be as stable as a mountain, yet as gentle as a feather. Would you agree?
Yes, exactly. You can be gentle to others, while you remain stable yourself.
Like the frost on the grass on a sunny morning, which makes the grass sparkle like diamonds. Compassion, in this instance, would be the sunlight that meets the frost. So if your compassion is strong enough, you’ll get the diamonds — meaning, you’ll melt the frost — but if your kindness is not very strong, then the frost stays frozen.
Sounds poetic, but how can we generate such warm compassion?
That’s where the wisdom kicks in, you see. The wisdom to know that everything is impermanent. The emotions we feel are not solid, and compassion reminds us of that; it saves us from getting stuck.
If fact, there’s an element of joy about compassion. In the West, we think compassion is a duty. We say, “Oh, I’ve got to be compassionate!” But in Eastern philosophy, compassion contains joy — you’re joyful that you can help somebody.
Imagine acting like a harbor to a boat in a stressful situation. If a boat is in distress, the harbor would be glad to offer help. It would happily allow the travelers take refuge until the storm is gone. The same approach applies to being compassionate.
How about feeling sorry for others? If someone is going through stormy times, we may feel sad or sorry for them. Are we confusing pity with compassion?
Shakespeare has explained the difference between pity and compassion very well:
“The quality of mercy is not strained.
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blessed:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.”
What this means is that the quality of compassion is of equal benefit. It’s good for the giver and it’s good for the receiver.
But it’s not pity. It’s not when someone is arrogant or proud, and looking down at the other person; because that’s ego. It’s not like thinking, “Oh well, I’m separate from the suffering of others. They are suffering and I’m not.”
Compassion is all about interdependence. And interdependence means: we’re all in this together, eight billion people. We’re all a part of mother earth, and compassion is accepting that we are all part of that process of interdependence.
So to recap, compassion’s unique flavor comes from its ingredients:
1. Wisdom
2. Stability
3. Courage
4. Deep listening
5. Kindness
6. Joy
Thank you, Clive Holmes. I’d like to explore the harbor example deeper in our next article. Until then, check out Clive Holmes’ lectures and schedule here. If you have further questions about the topic, get in touch via elacrain.com.
