Redefining Fear & Failure
Ela Crain on the importance of leaving your comfort zone
Fear is a powerful driving force in our lives. Many of our decisions are often based on risk factor — largely focused on avoiding an unwanted outcome — and thus born out of fear. What are we afraid of? Divorce, bankruptcy, unemployment…you name it. Essentially, we are afraid of failure. But what kind of lives are we leading when we devote ourselves so completely to coloring inside the lines — to being perfect — that we live entirely in fear?
While none of us actively seek out failure, perfectionists are often so driven by fear of failure that they box themselves into their comfort zones. Ela Crain, published author, speaker and coach works with entrepreneurs, artists and performers on breaking free of their comfort zones and reframing failure as a tool for success.
“Failure is just a learning curve,” Ela explains. “There are many ways to add to our bucket of experiences in life. Failure may not be the most pleasant way, but we often gain the most memorable insights through our failures. You can replace the word ‘failure’ with ‘learning curve’, and it would make zero difference.” Framed in this way, what has been labeled as a failure is simply an experience that you can learn from and a byproduct of trying.
“Life is not about less mistakes; life is about more trials.”
Ela continues to say, “We are here to try things. Even if our trials don’t work out initially, we gain experience, and through this experience things start to work out.”
By reframing failure, we are able to take more risks without the fear of failure looming over us like an ominous cloud portending a dark future. Because isn’t that what we fear? That our mistakes, our failures, will define us and irreconcilably determine our futures? This fear is holding us back. “We are so scared of failure that we are scared of the possibility of failure — which we basically call risk. And our fears run so deep that, we’ve managed to create layers before we get to the fear of taking risk. One prominent layer is what I call fear of being afraid.”
The fear of being afraid is paralyzing. Rather than striving for success, trying new things and taking risks, fear takes over and determines your path in life. “Think about it,” Ela says, “if you’re afraid of being afraid, you won’t even come near situations that may trigger fear in you.
So we all live in our comfort zone, which becomes our prison, just because we are so scared to step out.”
Ela is working to change this. “What I try to do with my workshops is at least expand this comfort zone,” she says. “It’s hard to convince people by saying, ‘Hey, there’s no prison. You can walk out, and it’s fine. And if you don’t feel comfortable outside, you can always step in again.’ But most of us are so afraid that we would rather stay in this made-up prison.”
Breaking down the walls of our self-made prison cells is difficult. Experiences such as bankruptcy, divorce, etc. can be debilitating hardships. But Ela suggests that we take a look at those experiences and reframe them to minimize our fear. According to Ela, one way of doing this is to look back on the hardships you’ve experienced and recognize the lessons you’ve learned from them and the positive paths they might have led you on.
For Ela, the loss of her company changed her direction in life completely. She recalls, “In 2008 I was running an advertising agency in London and I lost all of my clients because advertising is the first market to be affected by such stock crashes. I had also put some money into a property investment, and I lost that money as I couldn’t get a mortgage without a job.” But falling on hardship brought Ela to where she is now, and for that she’s grateful. She says, “After I lost my company, I started to work on a nonfiction book about creativity and madness, which took me on this path of personal growth and fulfilment.”
Since then Ela has published two books, studied brain sciences at UCL, founded a Webby Awards-nominee non-profit organisation called Mash Stories — which helped 2,200 writers kickstart their career — and has been giving workshops and talks to empower others to see the bigger picture and serve their purpose in life.
Ela explains that only when you ‘fail’ or fall on hard times, you learn how to handle things.
Just like Nelson Mandela said,
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
So if you lose your job, break up with your partner, or move back in with your parents, see it as an opportunity to build self-confidence. Trust yourself that you’ll handle it. Remember that great achievements are born after hard times. Only by trusting yourself can you open yourself up to a fearless life of success.
This is the second article in a series exploring and debunking the myths of perfectionism with Ela Crain. To attend one of Ela’s workshops, book your spot here. You can learn more about Ela and her work on her website.
Erika Clugston is a freelance writer and artist based in Berlin. With sass and pizazz, Erika writes about art, culture, and all things Berlin related. She has degrees in Fine Art and English from Southwestern University and currently works as the Editorial Assistant for LOLA Magazine.
