An interview with Clive Holmes
Ela Crain: So, what is self-compassion?
Clive Holmes: Well, Kristin Neff has an interesting definition for it. She argues that self-compassion has three elements to it:
- Mindfulness: which allows us to recognize what is happening.
- Shared humanity: a sense of interconnectedness with other people. Keeping in mind that every emotion you are experiencing is also experienced by thousands of other people.
- Kindness: in this sense, kindness can be described by wishing good for everyone, including ourselves. It is a warm, friendly feeling.
If you think about it, the word kindness or the quality of being kind are derived from old English, “kyndnes” meaning “nation”, like family or people who have the same ethnicity. So being kind to ourselves is important so that we do not get self-critical and exclude ourselves from the circle of compassion. However, in the Eastern world this kindness is limitless and extends to all sentient beings. For instance, in the ancient Buddhist language kindness is Mitra, which actually means warmth.
Mitra is also the sense of all-inclusive and unconditional friendliness, because it is all-inclusive, includes friendliness to ourselves.
So we can say that:
Self-compassion is the ability to look in the mirror without scowling.
