Death Valley Junior High

By Tina Gao | Grade 8 | Scholastic 2022 Humor Silver Key

Tina Gao

Published in

ElevatEd

5 min readFeb 3, 2022

Student Government Association

Suggestion Form

Your email, gerrygg@dvjhcs.us.k12.org will be recorded when you submit this form. Not you? Use an alternate account. Questions marked with a * are mandatory.

Name: *

You should already know. From the last 5 complaints.

Complaint: *

I, a former homeschooler, transferred to DVJH in hopes of finding actual friends and pursuing a uniquely “uplifting educational and social experience.” Based on your brochures, DVJH is supposed to be an all-inclusive modern learning institution where students smile as they walk through sliding glass doors into air-conditioned buildings, then sink into comfy armchairs at the library, then, once they’ve responsibly finished studying, can relax and fraternize at a football game by leaning over metal railings and screaming their hearts out during third downs. Sadly, all of the above is literally NONEXISTENT at DVJH. I was duped.

As soon as I stepped onto the lawn on my first day at exactly 7:45 am, I immediately noticed my “classmates.” They stumbled out of their cars and shuffled towards the imposing concrete building without even saying hi to me! Eyes crusted shut, they trudged through the rusty metal gates as if they were stuck in quicksand with bricks tied to their heels. I thought I’d arrived at the Death Camp Valley Juvenile Detention Center (I had to triple-check the sign in the lobby). Nobody paid attention to class. They just waited like criminals for their verdict until the magical 3 PM bell broke their spell, sending them racing to the carpool lanes, galloping into the open road like the second coming of Jesus, leaping into their parents’ air-conditioned BMWs.

I don’t blame them, though, because this school is trash. Literally. The dumpster is filled three feet over the brim with styrofoam utensils, food waste and forgotten homework. Meanwhile, our teachers claim we need to be “environmentally conscious”, yet they print 500 pages of single-sided notes, doubling our binder weight and carbon footprint, effectively increasing the Death Valley record temperature by 2 F. The recycling bins are always empty… except for rotten fruit and the occasional dead shrew. Does everyone mistake the recycling symbol for the biohazard waste sign?

But at least your bathrooms are oases for Death Valley wildlife, so that’s something! Right guys?? Various species of mold and fungi mottle the walls. Salamanders, bugs, and even the endangered Devil’s hole pupfish swim in toilets (that fail to flush properly I might add).

Speaking of broken facilities: why are the windows cracked, the stairs as wobbly as rope bridges, and the air conditioner broken even after regulation required maintenance? I nearly died from heat stroke when the thermometer hit 110 degrees Fahrenheit in the afternoon- we are near Death Valley after all! And don’t get me started on that three foot centipede that crawled out of the toilet by the gym (again!!) Are my parents’ hard-earned tax money being flushed there, as well?

That tax money was supposed to be for my education, but I haven’t learned a single thing from this school. My teachers browse Amazon on their MacBooks, sip diluted McCafe coffee and fix their hair with plastic, handheld mirrors, all while we suffer through Sal Khan’s 20 minute videos. The school might as well be renamed Khan Academy since Sal is the only one actually teaching. Still, I attempt to learn. Last week in math class, I asked Mrs. Dennis, “Why do quadratics have two roots?” Imagine my shock and dismay when she simply typed my question into Google and read the popup answer! They even have to check our homework with the answer key in the back of our textbooks! As far as I know, we probably have better grades than our quote unquote teachers.

My final (I hope) complaint is about the SGA who have failed to respond to any of my previous complaints. You claim to be a government “for the students, by the students” but all you do is plan events that no one attends except for yourselves! The last time I visited the library, you guys bickered over the upcoming dance theme: “starry galaxy”, “alien invasion” or “celestial city” like eight year olds wrestling over a plastic rocket, pounding fists and spilling water bottles all over the computers. Just make it space-themed for god’s sake!!!

DVJH’s foundation is crumbling. The situation could not be more dire: neglectful teachers, fatal temperatures, and a fake lawn that mocks us during our morning walks. Of course, you pretend everything is as sunny as your brochure and continue planning parties as an excuse to buy food for yourselves, but know that DVJH is on the edge of collapse. YOU, the student’s representatives still have a chance at making a difference by listening to our complaints and solving them. YOU have a moral obligation to do your job. After all, that’s why we elected YOU. The elephants in the classroom will stampede the campus to dust if YOU continue to ignore our pleas for help!!!

The DVJH SGA will immediately address your complaint in a future meeting and notify you our solution!

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Submitted on 10/14/21 at 5:23 pm

Jacob J. Jones, Student Government President

11/13/21

Jacob Jones <jonesjj@dvjhcs.us.k12.org>

To Ginger Gerry <gerrygg@dvjhcs.us.k12.org>

Hi whoever you are,

I’m Jacob the current SGA president Nobody uses the suggestion form No one checks a dead form when there are huge parties to plan Yesterday, we finally checked it and saw your five responses Congrats on being the first and last form user ever Use this email chain next time or friend me on Insta @lookatmymusles if you wanna see my epic sports pics

Jacob

PS that space party was legendary bc we 8 all the snacks!

11/13/21

Ginger Gerry <gerrygg@dvjhcs.us.k12.org>

To Jacob Jones <jonesjj@dvjhcs.us.k12.org>

Hi Jacob,

First of all, my name is literally on the email.

Second of all, learn how to use punctuation. I can’t believe such an uneducated buffoon is qualified to be SGA President.

Third, did you even read my message?! Please let me know specific actions you plan to take/have taken.

Sincerely,

Ginger

11/18/21