Niu Nai Tang
by Parker Liu | Grade 10| Scholastic 2023 | Humor | Gold Key
“Ayyyyyy, wassup Gabe!” James says as he slides the car door open.
“Wassup dude?” I plop down in his leather passenger seat, throwing my tennis bag into the back row, noticing empty chip bags lying on the ground, their oily crumbs spewed over the rough-stained carpet; a musty odor of spicy ramen lingers as a karaoke machine fumbles and turns as we pull out the neighborhood, remaining lopsided once steady. “Bro, why the fudge do u have a karaoke machine?”
“Oh yeah man, went over to Andrew’s last night and we had a rap battle. It was insane. He was dropping bars like crazy. Totally forgot to tell you about it.” A half-finished orange Fanta lies in the cupholder next to me. A small fly nestles on its edge, enjoying the droplets clinging to the half-opened lid. I swat it away.
“Dude, clean your car. It’s actually so messy.”
“Yep, going to a car cleaner tomorrow.”
“Kid, just do it yourself, it’s not that hard.”
“Nah bro, I don’t have that much time.”
“Dude, are you kidding me you literally grinded Valorant for 6 hours straight last night, and you’re still in Bronze…”
“Whatever, I’m just feeling lazy.”
“Yeah, I can tell,” I say, staring at a McDonalds fry pouch sprawled over the back seats, as if welcoming bacteria and germs to infest its contents. I notice a glint of light repelling off a book cover. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. “You reading Harry Potter?”
“Brooooooo, I finally finished the Deathly Hallows,” James says. “It wasn’t a bad book. I’m not gonna lie but like Voldemort’s kinda weak, he straight up died to like a 5′4″ 16 year old kid who peaked in high school.”
“Fair. I prefer Goblet of Fire,” I say as I twirl my tennis racket, catching a brief whiff of the freshly strung nylon strings.
“Bro, you’re actually trippin. The Goblet of Fire was so trash.”
“Dude, are you joking? Goblet of Fire was literally the best one. Impostor Moody was dope and Lord Voldemort at the end was so intense.”
“Nah, Goblet of Fire was bad, Order of the Phoenix was the best by far.” He reaches towards his nylon tennis bag and yanks two pieces of niu nai tang, or Chinese milk candy.
“Bro, watch out,” I say as James swerves the car back into its lane.
“My bad dude. Hah, look at his tongue,” James says pointing at the grinning boy on the red candy wrapper. “Want one?”
“Sure,” I say as I smile back at the little boy and his rosy cheeks. I plop the candy in my mouth and suck on it. “But dude… how can you say Order of the Phoenix is the best book?”
“That organization was so cool dude, and then Dumbledore’s fight with Voldemort? Plus the fight at the ministry was bomb.
“NO! Goblet of Fire is literally the prerequisite… the precursor, the book that sets up the whole series and made this scrawny white boy into a global phenomenon. Without this book, Order of the Phoenix legit wouldn’t happen! Like, c’mon, everyone knows the Order of the Phoenix was created to counter Voldemort. And which book did Voldemort come back to life in? Oh yeah, book number four! Don’t you get it? Nothing would exist without Goblet of Fire. Sirius wouldn’t have died. Snape wouldn’t have died. Dumbledore wouldn’t have died if it weren’t for the Goblet of Fire. This book was the prelude to the entirety of the series. No cap. Dude, take this milk candy for example. The cow that was used to create this, without that cow, this candy would never exist. Without that cow, this candy wouldn’t be here and we wouldn’t be eating this. Okay, never mind, that was a bad example. But don’t you get it! That book contained soooo many plot twists and filled so many plot holes. It was super duper good. Bro, I didn’t even know Moody was an impostor or that Voldemort was controlling Crouch the entire time. That’s what makes the book so good. Now we even understand how Harry survived! How wands can connect and communicate with each other! We even meet Harry’s parents! You can’t even argue that Harry’s fight with Voldemort wasn’t lit. What happened in Order of the Phoenix? Oh yeah, literally nothing. Like two irrelevant characters die and the plot barely moves forwards. Don’t even START with me tryna talk about the fight in the Ministry — that stuff literally made no sense and Dumbledore’s quote-unquote fight with Voldemort literally lasted 4 seconds. Don’t you get it? Order of the Phoenix can’t make up for what Goblet of Fire did and accomplished.”
“My bad dude, it’s like not that deep… But still, you gotta admit that the Ministry fight was cool,” says James as we pull into the tennis parking lot.
“Did you not hear a word of what I just said? The ministry fight literally made no sense! Also, that Dolores Umbridge person straight up looks like a pink toad, can’t deny it dude.”
“Alright, whatever, let’s get down to the courts,” says James as we grab our bags from the back row.
“Ayyyyyyyy, wassup guys,” shouts Kevin from across the parking lot as he closes the door to his beaten Honda. “James, why you lookin so sad dude.”
“We were fighting about which Harry Potter book is best,” he says with a chuckle.
“Dude, Chamber of Secrets was so good,” Kevin says as we walk down the concrete steps.
“Bro, shut up,” both me and James say simultaneously as we enter the tennis courts.
