“Love Me Just For Being Me”
Does this really ever work?
“Love Me Just For Being Me”
Have you ever said that?
Everyone wants to be loved “just for being me”.
And that’s great.
You are awesome.
But are you actually being “you”?
If you’re not living to the higher side of yourself, don’t be shocked if the guy or gal in your life is disappointed and begins to feel resentment.
Whether your issue is the inability or unwillingness to break a negative pattern, the fear of embarking into uncharted emotional territory, or just plain laziness, if you are not being your most awesome self, the problem isn’t your partner not loving you for you. The problem is you not being you.
Your Relationship Issues are your Personal Issues
When couples head into therapy, they intend to find solutions to their relationship issues. But what if working on those relationship issues is actually serving as a distraction from your personal issues that are at the crux of whatever has been coming up in your relationship?
Most of what arises in couplehood are things you and your partner need to deal with as independent individuals. They’re issues centered around you “just being you”.
This means that the majority of couples therapy ought to be one-on-one work with the therapist or coach in order to guide each of you to the personal healing and emotional repair that you each need.
Therefore, the most effective approach for a majority of struggling couples would be for each of them to interact with the therapist primarily as an individual, rather than as a member of a couple.
So, yes, couplehood is a facet of your life, and therefore plays a role in your growth. But it’s an aspect of your life, not the primary focus or objective. YOU, as an individual, is the primary objective — how do YOU respond to not getting your way? How do YOU respond to financial pressure? How do YOU deal with life’s obligations that seem to be pulling you in opposite directions? What do you feel in those moments? What lies at the root of these feelings? And how can you build a healthier and more reasonable response and approach to these feelings to lead a more balanced life?
When a couple takes this Individual-Centered approach, they are usually leaps and bounds ahead of those who take the Couple-Centered approach because who you are as a couple is mostly an expression of who you each are as individuals.
First heal what’s going on with the two of you as individuals, and then any couplehood issues that arise should be much more easily resolved — and then, you’re much more likely to be loved “just for being you”.
