Make a Deal with Your Spouse
How to come to win-win relationship solutions
Among our numerous guests on the Jewish holiday of Shavuot, we had the pleasure of having a newly married couple expecting their first child.
For some reason my beard became the topic of discussion (Ok, let’s be honest, this is not such a rare topic to be raised by our eclectic weekly Shabbat guests.)
It turns out this guy wanted to get bearded up but his wife wasn’t having it.
I told him that if the wife’s not into it, it’s a no go.
Then I got the wife to open up about what truly was bothering her.
It turns out her husband had gained some weight since they got married a couple of years ago and she felt that if he’d grow a beard it would make him look big.
So, I asked her what he needs to do in order for her to be cool with the beardage.
She said he’d have to lose 15 pounds.
I said, “Dude, take the deal!”
Another time, we had a couple over where the guy wanted the gal to quit smoking.
My wife knew she was Shabbat observant, so she asked her, “Do you smoke on Shabbat?”
She said no.
So my wife said, “Ok so you can go a day without smoking.” So, why not go the day after that without smoking too? And then, go the day after that without smoking too?”
She thought for a second and said, “I never thought of it like that.”
The next day she quit smoking. And two years later to the day, the couple got married.
Why am I sharing these stories with you?
To get across this message:
When there is open sharing, real communication can happen. And that can lead to life-altering deals being made.
Not tit-for-tat deals where neither party is really happy. Rather, I am referring to real deals. Where both sides are genuinely happy and actually get what they want.
So, I encourage you: Be expressive and be receptive. That’s the only way to arrive at win-win relationship solutions.
