Your Partner’s Role in Your Spiritual Journey
Here’s how to look at everything that’s wrong with your spouse
Are you often upset by your partner?
If your answer is yes, then I have a little exercise for you…
Think about something that your partner does that bothers you.
Now ask yourself why this bothers you. Why does this thing that your partner does (or doesn’t do) make such a difference to you that you make a big deal about it? What is the fear, feeling, thoughts, or issue, that comes up for you when your partner does this thing that you have a problem with?
Relationships can help us fix ourselves. And this is how.
Keep in mind: It is not that you are supposed to fix your partner. Rather, each of us are to be reflective and fix ourselves.
See what bothers you and look inward. Ask yourself why it is that you are so bothered. Ask yourself, “Why does this make such a difference for me? Why does it raise a sense of internal disharmony? Why do I react to that feeling of disharmony with intolerance instead of acceptance? And why does that feeling of intolerance lead me to lash out with anger/manipulation/passive-aggressive behavior?”
Perhaps this is what the Talmud means when it says that one’s spouse will be a ‘helper’ for the refined person, and an ‘adversary’ for the unrefined person. It’s not simply that your partner will act differently towards you based on your level personal growth.
Rather, it means that if you haven’t done the spiritual, psychological, and emotional work to refine yourself, when your partner doesn’t do what you want them to do, you’ll see them as an adversary acting against you. Whereas, if you are a person who has done the inner work to develop and refine yourself, you’ll see that same partner as a helper, (unintentionally) assisting you to grow by shining a light on the next area in your life and persona that needs to be worked out as you continue on your personal path of refinement, growth, and ascendance.
