Conflict Resolution in the Fire Service
Conflict resolution is more about reconciling relationships than getting everyone to agree
Last month I discussed the importance of giving personnel warnings. But in the course of managing personnel, you’ll encounter crew members who are hurt and relationships that are damaged.
The damage could be between two of your subordinates or with you and a crew member. How then do you go about fixing that relationship? I realize this is a “touchy feely” subject that makes firefighters somewhat uncomfortable, but sometimes we have to leave our comfort zone to learn.
Causes of Conflict
There are many causes of conflict, but one in particular that often arises around the station is caused by a firefighter putting self before service. Personnel who choose to cause conflict are usually jealous and desire what others have; unable to obtain gratification, they burn with envy and fight with others.
Know anyone like this at your fire department? My advice to them: “Before you wage war with others at the fire station, fix the war inside yourself.”
Conflict can endanger fire station relationships, but if handled well, it can also provide opportunities for growth, ultimately strengthening the bond between two people. Since relationship conflicts are inevitable, learning to deal with them is crucial. Recognizing and managing conflict are also essential to building emotional maturity, intelligence and nurturing relationships.
In workplace conflicts, differing needs are often at the heart of bitter disputes. When you recognize the legitimacy of conflicting needs, you open pathways to improved relationships. However, firefighters who are out of touch with their emotions, or who are so stressed that they can only pay attention to a limited number of emotions, won’t be able to communicate their needs. For example, firefighters often argue about petty differences — the way the station is cleaned and the equipment is kept — rather than what’s really bothering them.
That’s why you must take the extra steps to dig to the heart of the conflict.
Find Peace
Convene a peace meeting with the intent to seek a solution. You’ve heard the saying, “Time heals all wounds.” If that were true, every time we waited in the doctor’s waiting room, we would never need to see the doctor, because we’d be cured! In fact, time often makes interpersonal conflicts worse, which is why it’s imperative for officers to promptly schedule a conflict-resolution meeting with feuding crewmembers.
At this meeting, your personnel may have the urge to attack, blame, be stubborn and focus on themselves. Instead, ask the crewmembers to confess their part of the conflict. This is where both parties take some ownership, demonstrate a little humility and say the two words that are critical to diffusing and reconciling the situation: “I’m sorry.” Do these two words still exist within the firefighter vocabulary?
The next step is to listen for their hurt. People who are hurt, hurt others. It’s vital to understand the other person’s perspective, rather than just our own, if we’re to come to a resolution. In fact, just helping the other person feel heard can sometimes go a long way toward reconciliation.
Next, be willing to absorb the pain. Someone must say, “Enough is enough; it must end now.” Saying the wrong thing can be like throwing fuel on a fire. Say what’s on your mind in a way that’s clear and assertive, without being aggressive or putting the other person on the defensive. Retaliation leads to escalation, and only bad things come from that.
Lastly, emphasize reconciliation, not resolution. Resolve the conflict rather than dissolving the relationship. You can still disagree without being disagreeable. It’s more important to reestablish the relationship than to resolve every issue.
Let It Out
This final step may seem obvious, but many people fail to achieve full reconciliation. They think that by addressing a conflict, they’re creating one, and so they suppress their anger. Or, when confronted with conflict, they “go along to get along.” Unfortunately, this isn’t a healthy long-term strategy. That’s why fire officers must have a keen feel for conflicts brewing among their crew, address them and effectively reconcile relationships between crew members. It will make a huge difference in the health of your crew and your department.
