Change, next steps, and gratitude

There is no normal life that is free of pain. It’s the very wrestling with problems that can be the impetus for our growth. — Rev. Fred Rogers

“These will grow to become big soon,” Alirio said as he pulled the delicate mini watermelon from its hiding behind a sprawling vine. He wore a smile of delight as the sun beat on the raised soil beds he carefully tends. Tomatoes, peppers, kale, squash, and now watermelon have all grown in Alirio’s hidden eden.

Alirio has been living at First Unitarian Universalist Church for ten months now, and the most consistent company he keeps is the garden. I share that I lament how lonely it is to live in sanctuary, a form of detention in a church. He says that it is very lonely, and that he believes friendships are the most important thing in life. Looking at the newly planted pumpkins, I hope that he does not stay confined in a church for the fall harvest.

I said goodbye to Alirio last month as I prepared to finish my year of service as a Young Adult Volunteer. He gave me a hug large enough to bring me to tears. After months of sharing taco lunches and learning more of Alirio’s story, I felt that my journey was now tied to his, and my life was intertwined with his struggle to survive. My privilege as a white citizen allowed me to leave the church where Alirio remains, but his words continue to grow in me. Friendship, like watermelon, also grows with care and attention.

At the end of June, I left Austin with a few boxes packed in my car and a broken heart. Saying goodbye to friends like Alirio and my community, departing from a city that I came to know, and closing a chapter of faith-based service felt like a whirlwind of change. I also felt tremendous gratitude for the people who challenged me this year to grow in my understanding of activism, immigrant rights, Christian community, and serving the church. All that touched me, changed me like a growing seed.

A story of change

While every season of my year as a Young Adult Volunteer brought change, the rising heat of summer catalyzed many up-ending moments. Here’s my re-cap —

May 1: My last day of work where I served for eight months at Grassroots Leadership. The Austin YAV program ended my placement following a conflict over ethics and boundaries. The change came with just a few days’ notice and was a shock to me.

Since leaving, I have reflected more on the work and the people that I left behind, and regret that I could not fulfill my responsibilities. I have also celebrated the continuous victories won by community organizers in Austin, from the historic Freedom City policy to the reunification of immigrant mothers and children. I feel deep appreciation for my mentors and colleagues at Grassroots Leadership. They fight inhumane systems with tenacity, wisdom from lived experience, and honesty. Their work to expose and transform the evils of white supremacy in the immigration and criminal justice systems taught me “there is nothing hidden that will not be revealed” (Luke 8:17). I believe that we are in a time of white people like me waking up to the horrors of the family separation, the trauma of deportation, and the injustice of mass incarceration. I learned that I cannot change these systems alone, and the people who are directly impacted by injustice have the solutions to make change.

The most impactful moments from the 8 months were times that I listened: to the stories of abuses experiences by women detained in Hutto Detention Center, to the testimonies of Black community activists who experienced police brutality, to the ideas generated by immigrant leaders like Alirio into stop deportations in the Austin Sanctuary Network. I left with a deeper faith in the power of coalition and need for people of faith to join the movements for immigrant rights and a reformed criminal justice system. I hope to continue listening to my neighbors and to God in the struggle for racial justice, a struggle for our humanity.

May 8: First day of work at the Seminary. I began working at a new site placement, the 787 Collective, a project of Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary. The 787 Collective works with 12 congregations in the Austin area (zip codes 787 — ) to build relationships with young adults and to revitalize congregational life with creativity, connection, and outside-the-box vision. I was blessed to work with Martha Lynn Coon (former Austin YAV coordinator) and Audrey Burnett Harris (a YAV alumna) and learn from their experiences in supporting congregational vitality. Through our many conversations, I learned that the church is undergoing a seismic shift and needs to re-form to stay alive in our culture. As younger generations opt out of organized religions, the church has the opportunity to listen for new ways of embodying and living our faith in the world. I felt inspired by the congregations in the 787 Collective that are generating conversations with young adults to hear their stories and create something (a play, a dinner party, a service project) together. Like many millennials, I hunger for a sense that I belong to a group of people where we can create meaning and accountability and purpose as tangible as the sweet potato casserole or communion bread on the table. I need to gather with people in-the-flesh.

As both a young adult and a churchgoer, I found the 787 Collective’s mission spoke to identities that are often disparate and feel irreconcilable. I learned that I can be a 20-something and belong to the church, and work to create change within it. I adopted the questions of the 787 Collective: How can our church systems and structures improve to be more just, inclusive, and healthy? How can our congregations create and sustain new ways of gathering in a community-starved society? What will it take for the church to become alive and creative today? I am grateful to the 787 Collective for welcoming my questions and stories, doubts and dreams on church and the spiritual lives of young adults.

May 29: A day floating on the New Braunfels River. After ample change and transition, I needed time to re-center. Thankfully, our community went on retreat and spent the day enjoying tubes on the river, homemade ice cream, and heartfelt conversation. Our community lost 4 members over the course of the year, which was both a major loss and made our group smaller and more intimate. By the end of May, we found our sweet spot of learning to float and enjoy each other. I am grateful to our coordinators, Carolina and William, for dreaming up and creating fun with us.

June 1: The journey to St. Louis begins. I joined the PC(USA) Walk for a Fossil Free World as a virtual walker. After months of planning, I watched over 35 people of different generations walk 210 miles from Louisville to St. Louis to ask the Presbyterian Church (USA) to divest from fossil fuel companies. The walkers created community with each other, with teachers who shared firsthand experiences and scholarship about climate change, and with the dozen church communities that welcomed walkers to eat, worship, and pray with them. I was so grateful to witness the sacred kinship cultivated over the walk, the hunger for justice kindled, and the music sang with joyful hearts. I learned from the walkers that God walks with us, and invites us (as white Presbyterians) into deeper relationship with frontline communities impacted by climate change. You can watch a recap of the powerful speakers here.

June 9: Gluten-free birthday cake (thank you, Reba). I celebrated my 25th birthday at Mother’s Cafe, an Austinite vegetarian favorite, with a group of twelve friends. We shared poems and talked about the many connections we shared: faith-based service corps, love for books, obsession with the Enneagram, and work for a more just world. I am so grateful to God for providing community and support this year. I feel more wise and empowered at 25 thanks to these friends!

June 10: Last house meeting. I shared dinner and conversation with my housemates for our weekly house meeting for the last time. To my surprise, at the end of the meeting, Carolina asked the community to place their hands on my head and share a prayer or blessing. I felt humbled by the gesture, the loving touch, the kind words and the space of silence between them. I wept without fear of being judged. I felt held and cared for and loved by that circle of people as the face of Christ to me. I especially appreciated one of my housemate’s prayers for peace during the transition, which I felt most profoundly in that moment.

June 15: YAVs at GA begins. Reba and I traveled to St. Louis for the 223rd Presbyterian General Assembly. We represented Austin Seminary in the exhibit hall and joined Presbyterian Peace Fellowship and Fossil Free PC(USA) in actions to support fossil fuel divestment. I also spent time with Israel Palestine Mission Network and local Palestinian solidarity organizations to testify before the Middle East Committee. It was a jam-packed four days of plenary meetings, committee debates, Twitter updates, coffee breaks, a YAV reunion, and amazing worship.

I will remember the time that we spent onstage to be commissioned on behalf of the 2017–2019 YAV classes. Stated Clerk J. Herbert Nelson asked us, “Do you promise to be faithful and diligent in all you do, proclaiming the gospel of Jesus Christ in word and deed?” I felt inspired to see the whole church body gathered to support YAVs and mission co-workers who are serving across the world.

I came away from General Assembly both disappointed and hopeful. I am disappointed that the church continues to sit at the table with fossil fuel companies to preserve its own money and status while refusing to hear the prophetic call to divest. We remain in corporate sin while we neglect the calls of climate-impacted communities and refugees.

I am also hopeful for the church as I witnessed the Hands and Feet March to End Cash Bail, when General Assembly participants marched and chanted and gave $40,000 in worship offerings to bail people out of debtors’ prison. I believe this kind of action in the streets represents the church we can become: justice-focused, people-centered, and open to God’s call here and now. I am looking forward to continuing the work with Presbyterian Peace Fellowship for peacemaking and creation justice.

June 21: Moving day. I packed my belongings (mostly books) and said tearful goodbyes, especially to Reba. After a stop in Dallas and detour in Arkansas, I felt relieved and excited to arrive to Nashville, Tennessee.

What’s next?

During my YAV year, I had the opportunity to reflect on my gifts, call, and desire to serve. I found doubt and joy in the discernment process as I wondered what ministry means for the world today. I felt drawn to divinity school as an opportunity to explore my questions of faith and practice, community, and social justice. I discerned my next step to enroll at Vanderbilt Divinity School where I will begin studies for a Master of Divinity in August.

I felt committed to VDS after visiting my friend Sarah (who is now an ordained minister!) last year. I have been compelled by the school’s commitment to public theology, racial justice, interfaith cooperation, and inclusive community. I am grateful to join the VDS community and dive into the questions before us. While I do not know where this path will lead me, I trust that God is faithful to open the way.

As I start this new chapter, I will continue to process what I learned, witnessed, felt, heard, and experienced during my YAV year. The stories I learned from immigrants remain in my heart and mind. The lessons that I learned about intentional community, simple living, and faith formation will also shape the new home I am creating with my partner, Josh. The continuing threads of friendships and learning are endless.

So the change continues. I know that the YAV program has planted seeds of change in my life, and I expect the fruit to emerge for seasons and years to come.

Thank you

To all church members, mentors, donors, family and friends and Josh, AYAVA housemates and Carolina and William and Thomas, Sarah Land, APTS peeps and Martha Lynn, YAV alumni, PPFers, Grassroots staff, and Davidson friends, thank you. You have shaped me to become more faithful and sustained. I am deeply grateful for your presence on my journey.

Inspired

Here are some favorite books that I read over my YAV year and inspired me. I recommend them all —

• Grounded by Diana Butler Bass
• Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler
• Nobody Cries when We Die by Patrick Reyes
• All About Love by bell hooks
• How to Love by Thich Nhat Hanh
• The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
• Emergent Strategy by adrienne marie brown
• Why did Jesus, Moses, the Buddha and Mohammed Cross the Road? by Brian McLaren