POETRY
Rat
What do you do when a rat speaks philosophy to you?
There’s a rat from my sewer
that often peeps on me
when I’m having a good time
singing and scrubbing in the shower
It chews everything in its path
toilet roll paper, breath mints, my silk knickers
My hidden stash of Mars bars
Maltesers and cookies from jars
Hey Bitch, it called to me one day
I was like, what the fuck did you just say?
Rat said, I need some sound human advice
I’m trying to fit in, I trying to change
People think rats are evil and ugly
stinky rodents and irritating pests
I want to be like you guys
Do you think that’s hard or impossible at best?
You called me Bitch
you better apologize
that’s one big step
to being civilized
Rat apologized and asked what to do
Okay, I said, I’ll give you some basic advice
As humans, you got to be good
Pay taxes, avoid violence, don’t bring crime to the hood
Rat said, I know that, but what else is there to do?
Said I, Well no one’s gonna hire you
or believe this conversation is happening
between me and you
So I tell you what
go into the kitchen, take out the flour
whip it with milk, blueberries and eggs
while I get dress, do stretches and finish waxing my legs
Rat got confused
I’m not Ratatouille, will I get paid?
Well Rat, I replied, that strictly depends
If you do the things like I told you to do
Nothing comes for free in this life
not for a human for centuries, more so for a rat like you
It’s not easy if you want to be treated equal
cos a stinky rat’s not perceived as an individual
As a human, you’re no longer down in the sewer
stealing shit, spreading diseases and going around multiplying
Rat said, then how do you explain humans’ STDs
corrupted politics and lovers’ incessant lying?
By George! You Rat, I’m rather impressed
how much do you know
how much can you do
it’s a miracle right now, a progressive discourse with you!
I follow the news from chewing newspapers and books
I listen to folks talk on the streets, observe their looks
I also read Nietzsche, Byron, Marx and Chaucer
I prefer my coffee black and in a cup on a saucer
By golly you’re a genius then Rat
why didn’t you say something sooner?
We could discuss Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics
economic reform and constitutional politics
Rat said, well all rats are actually smart and can speak like me
but we choose to act stupid and be experimented in labs willingly
we are believers of science and new ideas
Watch humans, creatures of conflict, prey on their doubt and fear
So why now Rat do you want to emerge as splendid and smart?
Rat said, cos you humans are killing the planet and choking its heart
You talk about sustainable practices but you don’t act your shit
You plunder land, kill wildlife, spilling toxic from oil tankers and ships
We Rats think we should take over the planet
We’ve discussed this with the bees, squirrels and hornets
Or else COP26 will be a wasted meeting
when all that’s discussed become topics a’fleeting
Seems no one’s interested to clean up the mess
All we hear is top companies profits and citizens’ arrests
Thunberg’s grown up her charm is now gone
Sooner than later we all be fertilizer for lawn.
To be continued.
