CULTURE + SATIRE
The United States? Well, That’s Not A Real Country Anyway…
Oh brother, look what we’ve become
Rule number one: In America, you can’t have your cake and eat it too; likewise, if you have a job, you ain’t got a life. Don’t like it, deal with it because that’s what we do in America. If you are an American, you do not know where you are — because you’re lost. Ignorance is bliss in America but also excellent for profits.
Because the US is a pyramid scheme, and for those who need a refresher: it is when something big is promised to you in the future, but only if you join the club, buy the product, and wait your turn; that never comes. The US invented this shit. No, it is just the new and improved version. And here’s the pay-to-play list.
Pay to live in the US. Come live here, and make it on your own. Be whatever you want to be. No other country offers this because this is an American product. The American snake-oil truly works for some. Buy our kit on eBay, join our distribution program, and screw others like the big boys. Oh, brother, could we be so dumb?
And I do because, in America, you do anything to survive. You brake the rules and insult others with your incivility and guns. You must make it happen by all means necessary. That’s why we’re numero uno. And let it be known around the world. We will kill ourselves working because we’re going to get rich; there are no limits to our sacrifice. Women and children and mental health no longer matter. Oh brother, look what we’ve become.
America got talent for manifesting your full potential for greed. “Am I going to be happy in this job” type questions? Not allowed. Happiness must be tossed in the face of all-mighty success. Buy a big house, buy all the crap you ever wanted, and you’ll be happy when you achieve that. Oh, brother, I’ve been overrun.
In real countries, people run away from work when it jeopardizes their pursuit of happiness. But in America, you hand out your kidneys with a smile and never think about happiness because you’re promised to get that in the end. Now a joke.
“The United States of America.” It was a name created, so it would be different. Ok, guys, what are we gonna call it? Well, we’re supposed to be united, and there is a bunch of states, and we are in the Americas; let’s call it The United States of America for now until we can figure out a better name. Not a real name like France, Spain, or Portugal. This is actually a true story.
America is the home of a giant grand canyon dividing love and money. Because we don’t do things for love, we do it for money. We can’t be near each other because it distracts us from work. We don’t focus on the product we make; we keep an eye on the money, so the money is the product, people are the product, and nothing else matters. Everyone will toss their money on the stream that flows to the top and stays there. Dirty deeds done dirt cheap.
But America wasn’t always this way. It is a lie because America has always been this way. But today, we approach the age of artificial stupidity. When the whole becomes greater than the sum of its parts. Artificial stupidity grows exponentially, even though most Americans do not know what exponential means. Oh brother, look what we’ve become.
But the part where America wasn’t stupid is disappearing alarmingly. The poetry, the fun, and the creative heads are brain-draining, and the drained terrain left behind is used to construct huge parking lots and roads where the never-ending lines of cars run aimlessly, and no one is inside because they are self-driven. No one walks, and no one sees anybody. I tried calling someone to find out what was happening, and I robot said: “Sorry, I didn’t get that.” My e-mails were never answered.
Meanwhile, have fun in the circus of the profits prophets: MuskRat, Bozo & Gates. And while you are there, take advantage of the special offer before it sells out. The future pleasure resorts on Mars. Enjoy cave living on a frozen planet with only minor inconveniences such as poisonous dust, no oxygen or water, or food because the earth will become inhabitable and Mars will be terraformed with the proceed of the sales. Some say this is a scam, but it hasn’t been confirmed yet.
It would be so lovely to be creative again in America. To live a life for the now and for us. That we did it for us, that we did it for love, and we did it for real. Those who have sung for love are dying; where are the new prophets and poets; without them, we might never live in a real country.
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Note: this post contains a link to eBay, but it is not an affiliate link and not intended for profit, only entertainment. (and by the way, did you know snake oil existed for real? I didn’t)
Credit: some phrases are taken from Song For Real by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
Photo by cottonbro studio
