Chapter 51 — Writing is my meditation.
It’s an addiction.
Some days, writing is an absolute dream. Chapter 50 was one of those days. I went with the flow, and produced a piece I couldn’t have been happier with. I think yesterday hurt my brain though, today feels like a total creative hangover. But stick with me, I’ll power through.
I haven’t actually been all that happy with my writing since I went to Amsterdam. I always expected to struggle while I was away, but even the Chapters since I’ve been back have been pretty mediocre.
I’ve had reasons (or: excuses) for that mediocrity. A few days after Dam I moved house, then I had interviews and meetings to end that week, followed by a weekend of film editing and creative burnout.
Ever since the end of June my time and energy has been getting zapped left, right and centre and my writing just hasn’t felt as creative or meaningful as I expect it to be. In fact, in yesterday’s Chapter I was all ready to complain about my brain lacking its usual edge, followed by how I usually get my mojo back once it’s gone missing. It probably would’ve been a decent read.
Only decent, though.
Instead, Chapter 50 was much, much better than anything I could’ve produced with my original idea. As soon as I hit publish it instantly became my favourite one of the lot so far. But not because of the words in it, because of the way it made me feel afterwards.
Excluding this Chapter, I’ve completed 50 pieces of writing in the past 50 days. All of them are at least 500 words, with most of them probably stretching over 700/800 and a few hitting 1000–1500. That’s a whole lot of words my brain has had to conjure up, and the longer Chapters tend to be the ones that are an absolute dream to create.
See, after 50 Chapters I’ve found that on some days, writing is akin to pulling the plug in your brain and letting every single care and worry drain away. I put on some deep focus music, block everything else out and get to a state of mental clarity that I only ever reach otherwise through meditation. And it’s addictive.
I’ve had that feeling a good number of times now, but I want it more. Because of that, my motivation to keep writing every day is through the roof. I said I’d do this thing for at least a year, and I’m nowhere near that goal yet, but I honestly couldn’t imagine my daily life without a Chapter in it anymore.
Writing is my new form of meditation. It’s an addiction.
I reminisced yesterday about how much had changed in the last five years of my life, but in all honesty I could probably write just as much about the last 50 days. All of a sudden, without even really purposefully planning it, I’m doing what I want to be doing.
So, I’ll keep writing stuff and creating films, and I’ll try my best to keep you all entertained.
And if you’re not entertained, let me know. I enjoy the feedback.
Everything Else…
That was a tough to write. Train journeys and writing do not go hand in hand. I need a coffee.
Thanks for reading!
As always, follow me on Twitter or Instagram by clicking the words. My username on each platform is EllMorrow.
Give me some green love if you enjoy my writing, and if you’re really obsessed, click that follow button.
Here’s your gif of the day:
