I Thought I Knew What Feminism Was

For twenty one years I had gone through life assuming I was a feminist. I say assuming because from kindergarten to senior year of college, the only thing my schooling taught me about feminism was that Susan B. Anthony marched for the right to vote and that there is a wage gap between men and women’s income. I thought that I was a feminist because I wanted to be seen as an equal, but I also knew that the term “feminist” brought some controversy. Social media had exposed me to popular accounts that thrived off of making a mockery of feminists and celebrities claiming they weren’t feminists as if it were an accusation being made against them. Needless to say, this lack of education left me confused and conflicted as to what feminism really was.

Flash forward to entering my senior year spring at Elon where I enroll in WGSS 110. I wasn’t sure what to expect from the class, but I was hoping to finally understand what feminism is truly about. In my reflection from the first week of class I wrote:

“This class has so far exposed me to these different definitions, and taught me that different waves of feminism have existed overtime. I did not know that such racism existed within the first wave of feminism. I believed that the abolitionist movement and the feminist movement went hand in hand. In my previous years of school I learned about Susan B Anthony and the Women’s Suffrage March but I had no idea that so many events led up to that event. I find it interesting that American history textbooks have washed over so many important black figures that were key components to the early waves of feminism.”

One of the first questions we answered was how we saw ourselves as “bad feminists”. At first this seemed like a trick question but after listening to the ted talk by Roxanne Gay, I saw it to be not only a valid topic but also a way to own our imperfections. One example of how I see myself being a bad feminist is through the music that I listen to. Similarly to Roxanne, I find myself listening to a lot of catchy music that often highlights the objectification of women. Although I consider myself a feminist and don’t specifically love the way artist talk about women in this kind of music, the music still is catchy and listening to it makes me feel powerful and motivated. The irony and this is that a song that talks about objectifying women is also a song that makes me feel strong and empowered. The media is such a strong presence that by allowing ourselves to support misogynistic ideals in music, we are holding ourselves back as women in the fight towards our ultimate goal. My struggle is understanding what is worth giving up in order to become a better feminist versus what is giving up too much of things that bring me joy.

I also love how this class has dissected the idea of being a woman to ask “what is gender”? Honestly, I thought I knew how I defined gender until I took this class. I have realized how loaded the word gender is, and my definition of it has changed throughout the years. When I was a kid I thought it was so black and white. Going into college I knew that gender had many different subgroups such as gender expression and identity, but I now realize there are so many more layers. This class showed me how much society has constructed the idea of gender. Reading the work of Judith Butler was difficult to digest but the way that she describes gender as an “act” that we play for others and ourselves is really powerful. It was also at times hard to digest these claims about myself. Her claims made me instinctively react by thinking that I don’t act out my gender and that I would never do such a thing. But upon further reflection I definitely see how society constantly reinforces me to care about the “womanly” traits I project. I feel embarrassed when I bare my leg hair even though I feel comfortable wearing pants to a formal event. I have internalized specific gender traits that I always thought I believed were my own free will choices. I feel like gender exists both within my identity as well as outside of me. Gender is a big part of who I am, as it has made me choose paths in my life and experience things that I could only experience as a woman. At the same time however, I feel like my gender exists outside of me in that it is often used to make decisions for me without my knowing or control over it. Being cat called in New York City is an example of this. Experiencing this made me feel as though my gender put me in a scenario which I would not have been in if I were male or not clearly female presenting.

Although I do feel oppressed at times by being a woman, I recognize the balance of privilege that comes with my own personal intersectionality. Although I am a woman, I am a white woman which gives me privilege in society. I am also middle class which gives me privilege. Recognizing this intersectionality of who I am can sometimes make me feel guilty. Nobody can choose the life they are born into and it can be hard knowing what to do with my privilege. One way I chose to use my privilege for good is by supporting women who are not as fortunate as I am. By having a community of women from all backgrounds come together, we can recognize our similarities in our experiences as women as well as help each other in the areas we are lacking.

Looking back on this past semester, I want to revisit the complex yet simple question: what is feminism? In the video Who is Feminism For? I really like how Barbara Winslow says that “Feminists over the last fifty years have struggled to make the definition more encompassing of a broader range of women’s struggles”. I find this important because it’s difficult to define feminism in a way that encompasses all that feminists are set out to achieve. At the most basic level, I define feminism as striving for the equality of women in all sectors of life. However I don’t think that covers all the injustice that women have had to face, nor does it address that all women of every color and background should be treated equally. Because of intersectionality I don’t think we can address feminism without bringing in racism, transphobia, homophobia, and other sidelined groups of people. I think a true definition of feminism would encompass the relation to many of these groups. I consider myself a feminist because I advocate for and believe in the idea that women should have equal opportunities as men. As a woman in college, I feel like it is my duty to stand up for the women who are not represented and honor the women who endured the struggles before me and made it possible for me to be pursuing an academic career. I believe that it is hypocritical for college women to claim that they are not feminists. It is as though these women do not understand the struggles that had to be endured by feminists before them that made it possible for them to be where they are today. I, like many women, have experienced sexism at some point in my life. These experiences make me want to fight harder for women’s rights and encourage cooperation between women.

Being a graduating senior, I am often asked about the world I want to see made possible for the next generation. This is a very strange time to consider the world I want to live in because it feels we are at a turning point in our history. After listening to Arundhati Roy’s Pandemic is a Portal and COVID-19 Should be a Wake Up Call for Feminists, it is clear that there is change happening before our eyes right now. I found the second article to be both sad and informative. It brings up a struggle surrounding COVID that is not covered in the news. Domestic violence has always been a problem for many women and for some, the idea of being stuck in a house with their abuser is more dangerous than the virus itself. I found this article hard to read because when you’re quarantined in your house it can feel as if there’s nothing you can do to help these victims. I have seen more mainstream media coverage about the virus shedding light on healthcare, and I think we will hear more about this topic when election season rolls around. I think that universal healthcare has been something that people have been fighting for for a while, but it took Coronavirus to really show people how necessary it really is. Arundhati Roy also talks about how we can use this transition out of a pandemic to change our approach to “normal life”.

So what do I want to see after the pandemic passes and into the future? I want to live in a world where victims of sexual violence are seen as brave. I want to live in a world where we teach boys how to respect women and we teach girls to love themselves. I want to see a world where people are judged by their character and not by the labels that society has attached to us all. Overall, I want our world to return to a place of kindness and honesty.