My Meaning of Gender
My meaning of gender is the actions, behaviors and roles I take on because I am a woman. This includes gender roles and stereotypes I’ve faced and the attitude I present to the world everyday.
Judith Butler said during her interview “One is not born but rather becomes a woman” It was such a bold statement that I never really thought of until being in this class. I started thinking about the things that I do in every day life and wonder that if I do them because I want to or because my gender makes me feel as if I have to.
At first I honestly felt as if there was no way I do these things because I have to and I think that is a valid statement as far as my physical aspects go because am the type of person that loves to do their hair and makeup even when I’m not going anywhere, I love wearing heels and dresses but that’s just a preference and I certainly never feel like I have to impress anybody or look a certain way, but outside the physical realm my actions? I could definitely think of situations where I feel I need to use a soft tone or take domestic tones because of my gender.
For some reason in the first place my head went was the actions I would go through at work every morning over the summer. I am a sport management major and I interned at a predominately male company. In the morning I would get there and no matter how late my train was or how disrespectful people were to me on the streets of Manhattan, the second the doorman let me into the office, a huge smile was plastered on my face as if it was the best day of my life. Any questions asked about my day always came with an even bigger smile and a positive energetic response. Don’t get me wrong usually I am in a good mood and that’s genuine and I do happen to be a happy person but my team of male co workers never seemed to be as peppy as I was.
In the Time article about transgender men, James Gardner says “As a female I felt I had to smile all the time, just to be accepted,”. This caused me to reflect on this stereotype and come to terms with the fact that it’s so true. I always feel like as a woman I must smile and be kind to everyone or else I would be perceived as rude and women should never be rude. It ties back to the idea of having to put on this act or “performance” as Butler calls it that makes us believe certain norms and actions are associated with a specific gender.
My mother grew up in a very dangerous area and because of that she made it her priority to make sure that as a young women I would always be aware of my surroundings. Women are often under the impression that they have to be polite because its ladylike. My mom always told me if I was ever in a situation where I felt uncomfortable I should trust my gut, and never prevent myself from getting out of a bad situation out of fear of being rude. as a women I can definitely relate to feelings of discomfort in places like elevators or parking lots late at night and have certainly felt the pressure to try and act polite.
Another area where I seem to be “doing gender” is at home. In We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, it says “I know a woman who hates domestic work, but she pretends that she likes it, because she has been taught that to be ‘good wife material”. Growing up at home I was asked to do things around the house more than my brother my mom would often ask for help setting the table or running the dishwasher, my dad would ask me to take the dog out, and bring him upstairs. I don’t really cook and I hate to clean but I have been taught that thats my role to some extent. On the flip side, I have also been taught to be strong and never depend on a man for anything.
