BUYIN’ GUNS NAKED

A Patriotic Idea

I like to think I’m more than just an American; I’m a patriot. And that means I care about the things that make America great. And by ‘things’, I mean guns. As any gun owner will tell you, guns are about peace, much like greeting cards and flowers.

But lately, guns have been getting a bad rap, due to their tendency to cause death. Some people believe there are too many guns in America. As any NRA member will tell you, restricting gun sales to any particular group would be crazy. It would reduce our fine nation to a land of wimps standing around limp and unable.

Because I care about America, I’ve come up with a plan: mandatory full nudity at the time of gun purchase.

I can tell this idea already has you a little excited.

Let me explain. You may think I mean full nudity is required whenever you’re carrying your gun. HA HA HA no that would be silly. Where would the extra ammo go? No, my idea is full nudity only when you go in to PURCHASE your gun. Money in one hand, ID in the other, and bare ass naked.

This is an excellent idea because it’s open to everyone. As any good shooter can tell you, guns are for everyone, whether they need them for hunting or self protection or just plain feeling good. It’s the right of all Americans to be able to purchase as many guns as they can afford. Guns are what America is all about.

So I say, let’s restrict guns to only the people who are brave and dedicated enough to deserve them. Show your piece to get your piece, that’s what I say. Let’s find out just who is compensating for what.

Now I won’t lie to you: this plan may involve some ridicule. Ridicule is what America’s about. Guns and Ridicule. Those two things. You may have to endure some comments like “Oh there’s old Snub Nose” or “Saturday Night not so Special” or “44? Looks more like a 22!” but such is the price of freedom.

You may find yourself saying: Do I really need those fries? I’m plannin’ on gettin’ a gun next week. In this way guns will actually be improving your health, as you will be working on your physique. You cannot let flab get between you and being an American. Not that a guy holding a gun isn’t already pretty damn attractive!

The NRA is firmly behind my plan. In fact, concerned that some fine Americans might hesitate to buy guns due to body shame, the National Rifle Association has helpfully offered to provide free gym passes to all its members. In this way the NRA will be working to solve another American problem, which is obesity.

It’s really true, what they say: the NRA is about Goodness.

And they see another plus to my plan. With all the gun owners standing around naked, introductions will go MUCH faster! This will lead to like minded hookups which will in turn produce future NRA members, or as I like to call them, Bullet Babies. It’s a win win.

You see, Sex is what America’s all about. Guns, Ridicule, and Sex. You get those things and mister, you’ve got yourself some America.