You may never get that apology
Forgiving someone who has hurt you without waiting for an apology is one of the most challenging yet liberating experiences. Recently, I went through this exact emotional process. And it was hell, but it was worth it.
First off, betrayal is soooooooo draining. You find yourself going over and over the situation, wondering if there was something you could have done differently. You start imagining scenarios where the person comes around and realize the hurt they caused. But here’s the kicker — sometimes, that realization might never come.
The acknowledgement you’re hoping for, the apology you think might patch things up a bit, might just be a figment of your wishful thinking.
The person who hurt you might never understand the depth of the pain they inflicted. Heck, they might even understand and still refuse to take responsibility for it, and I had to come to terms with that reality.
Why do we put ourselves through that? Why do we let people put us through that?
I used to hang on every maybe-today-it’ll-happen moment, especially with an old friend who really dropped the ball. But that apology? Never came. And here’s what I realized: life’s too short to wait on someone else’s words to feel better.
Forgiveness, I learned, isn’t something someone gives you; it’s something you give to yourself.
Start by forgiving yourself
I’ve learned that forgiveness is an inside job. It’s a solo art project where the only critic who matters is the one living in your heart. You start by forgiving yourself — for holding on too tightly to expectations, for not seeing the wisdom in releasing what you cannot change, and for letting someone else’s actions dictate the boundaries of your happiness.
Think about it. When you forgive, you’re not saying what happened was okay. You’re just saying you’re not going to let it control your happiness anymore. It’s like telling yourself, “Hey, it’s okay to move on.”
Let go of the validation
Letting go of the need for others to validate my hurt was another step. It involved shifting the focus from them to me. I embraced the idea that healing didn’t require anyone’s acknowledgment or remorse. This was not about absolving them of their misdeeds or diminishing the impact of what they had done. Nahhh, it was about reclaiming my peace and emotional freedom.
And you know what? It feels pretty freeing. It turns out, carrying around a bunch of old grudges is pretty tiring. Who knew, right? When I decided to let go — really let go — it was like setting down a backpack I’d been lugging around without even realizing how heavy it was.
Stop waiting for a ride that may never come
Your mom might never apologize for that hurtful comment tossed casually over dinner years ago, which clung to your heart heavier than she ever realized. And your old friend might never send that text saying sorry for drifting away without explanation, leaving you grappling with an invisible thread of abandonment.
If you’re out there waiting on your own apology, ask yourself this: What could you do if you weren’t waiting anymore?
Maybe it’s time to forgive — not for them, but for you. Because you deserve to be free from waiting. You deserve to be happy, with or without that overdue apology.
And hey, if you start walking and find your own way, maybe you’ll discover paths and places you never knew were there while you were standing still. That’s what I did, and honestly, it’s opened up a whole new world for me.
To those still waiting for an apology to untie the knots in your chest, consider this: maybe the most significant apologies are the ones we give to ourselves. Not because our grievances don’t matter, but because our growth, our peace, and our healing matter more.
