How do The Things You Own, End Up Owning You?
Lessons From My Dad
Although this quote may be attributed to many people, movies, etc, my dad explained it best to me when he was 84 years old, living in a three-room condo in Florida overlooking a serene lake.
“You know, never before have I been so happy with so little.” He said to me.
Growing up in the tenements of Greenwich Village, New York City, sharing a bathroom with other tenets on the floor, he aspired to have more, more, more. And he did; he owned properties with 75 acres, 54,000 thousand square feet of homes, apartment buildings, cars, a boat, and even a lake.
By the age of 58, he retired from his factory job of 40 years and began to downsize, economize, and truly enjoy life. But in the end, he had never been so happy not owning anything but his three-room condo where he and my mother spent their final years, why I wondered.
It wasn’t once being poor that led him to this, although he always said he didn’t know how poor they really were. But realized that having too much stuff was actually holding him back. He didn’t want to be responsible for all those things anymore. Now that I’m older, I get it. I’m letting go of some of my stuff so they don’t control me.
This whole idea is about not letting possessions take over your life. It’s about being attached to things and depending on them that makes you feel trapped. If you’re not connected, losing something doesn’t make you anxious. You’ll still see the value in what you have but won’t be terrified of losing it. Today I surround myself with more plants that are easier to care for than pets, more accessible to keep clean than trinkets all around the house, and so easy to love and appreciate.
One year, I bought my dad a wallet from a high-end department store and accidentally left the price tag inside.
Shocked and almost offended by the ridiculous retail price, he said, “When someone snatches your wallet, you should be more concerned with the contents of the wallet than the wallet itself.” I assured him I bought it on clearance.
It was his simple way of advising against materialism and excessive focus on possessions over relationships. Don’t become greedy and lose sight of essential life aspects due to valuing their belongings too much. Don’t let what you own control you. Value the things that truly matter, like relationships and experiences, over collecting stuff. And remember, the things you have doesn’t define you — it’s what’s inside and how you live your life that truly matters.
I wondered how he reached the level of indifference and concluded that there will come a time when you must get your priorities and values in order. Some things are worth worrying about, like your character’s integrity and your effort in following virtue, and in the end, tranquility, and peace of mind will be a goal.
Everything else is trivial. Small things won’t disturb a Stoic peace if you are confronted with them. These things are your material possessions, other people’s opinions about you, events that can’t touch your character,
It’s strange how some people struggle to buy expensive things they can’t afford, all because they’re influenced by advertising and a need to fit in. They spend a lot on stuff they don’t really need. These are those so-called ‘aspirational’ brands. But what’s really worth aspiring to is financial freedom, not more stuff.
If you’re already set for the future and have extra money, consider using it to help others. Instead of spending it on unnecessary things, it can make a real difference in the world.
Now let me say there is nothing wrong with owning things. It’s not merely holding something that makes you a slave to it. It’s the attachment to your possessions that makes you dependent on them. If you are not attached to an object, you are not afraid to lose it; you’d have no anxiety when it breaks.
My children will gain my inheritance one day, and no doubt enjoy every penny, but for me, I live comfortably, slowly releasing many of my things so that they will not own me one day.
The sad thing is people who can’t afford these things clamor and save to buy these things. Some people, compelled by advertising and the societal need for acceptance, spend ridiculous sums of money on silly things when they don’t have much money to spend on those ridiculous things.
Some call them ‘aspirational’ brands. Who aspires to waste so much money on a branded thing of little extra utility than the cheaper option?? Why is that something considered worth aspiring for?? Aspire for financial freedom. That’s something to aspire for!
Now if you have money to burn and you’re already all set for a comfy retirement, then it’s up to you if you want to burn it. Though I suggest that if you have money to burn, instead of burning it, that money can be put to better use to help humanity or to feed a hungry person. I have been blessed to own much in my life but have sadly lost more.
So let me end you with this favorite quote of mine: “The best things in life are not things.”
How much do you care about your things? Would you go into debt for the newest stuff? Or are you happy with what you have? It’s simple to end up working just to pay for things that don’t really matter. It can easily overshadow what’s truly important.
Would love to hear your comments.
