I’ve come to terms with the fact that this journey, is one I have to take alone. I’ve made the commitment but until it has materialised I’m still susceptible to the same old tropes.
// The road to emerge is an emotional one, it’s something I’m still getting used to. The extreme highs and lows have taken its toll, more so than the work. What you are about to witness is the emotional transition of the moment this journey started for me. //
Anonymous : So what do you do?
CL-Q : (deep breath) …
It’s curse to be a multitalented, highly motivated creative. The answer to the following question is never short nor simple. I’m conflicted and confused by this society, that glorifies the savants of antiquity, yet we demonise and ridicule the forthcoming polymaths of the 21st century, branding them lost and inflicting all that ‘Stay in your lane’ B.S.
Granted, being gifted in more than one field can cause paralysis in the pursuit of progress. However, I’ve seen this stifle individuals as a result of their approach to life, defining what they will be by what is in demand, rather than their indecisiveness being rooted in the absence of a cause to support.
Anonymous : So what do you do?!
CL-Q : … (smirk)
The real question that’s being asked here is ‘Can you be of use to my endeavours?’ There’s no shame in it, just don’t be a snake about it.
Anonymous : …
CL-Q : What do you need to be done?
I can do more than what I want to do. To my disappointment what I can do, has become how I’ve been labelled. Unsurprisingly that list continues to challenge the short attention span that has been developed in our current society. The generalisations of titles are demoralising, I feel insignificant in these conversations, but I know I’m anything but just another cog that keeps the industry machine moving.
Up until now, fulfilment has always been fleeting for me. Success was feeling that I have pushed myself just shy of the point of destruction, where excellence dwells. I now know that staying in that place isn’t possible if it only serves my own desires.
‘If Your Dream Only Includes You, It’s Too Small’ — Ava DuVernay at SXSW
I need to stop thinking of positioning myself as the spearhead, but rather the idea as the point and myself as the staff driving the idea forward. That’s how I’ve become to identify my agenda, shedding the vanity of the individual which has now made room for the purpose.
Anonymous : Seriously, what do you do?!!
CL-Q : …
First and foremost, I’m a ‘Cult Storyteller’ I share stories that other people would prefer you didn’t know. Stories that you had no idea even existed and stories that when you come to know them, they will disturb your perception of reality.
So what do I do, I founded ‘Archive of Unmaterialised History’ that blurs the lines between fact and fiction, to make you question the fabric of society that you currently exist in. I’m the Director of ‘The Adversary’ a Critical Simulator, part research practice, part immersive think tank, helping you destroy what you are trying to create, so you can learn how to maintain it. Then when I have the time or have no other option, I can be what you need me to be, to make your vision come to fruition.
Don’t be mistaken, I’m terrified at the thought of making what I believe impossible, the stakes are high. The loss in momentum I developed under my own names needs to be put to rest as I recognise my identity has become indecipherable. I’m not quite this and I don’t quite fit into that. One of the greatest talents to ever walk on this planet had the same problem, record labels didn’t know how to market him, so he let his talent do the talking, working tirelessly over-producing works of art for much of his career. I’ve come to understand this as an example of the pursuit of excellence being the destination of success.
Creative people are unstable and fear is addictive, use it as fuel.
The road ahead is a very steep hill, and I’m unfortunately going solo. Resources are low, I’ve made a commitment to reach the summit and I’m sticking to it. I’m carrying everything I could possibly need but sacrifices will undoubtedly need to be made, as this is a race of endurance to ensure what is achieved lasts the tests of time.
The first sacrifice was turning down attending a parliamentary meeting with some of Britain’s S/Heroes with the Black cultural Archives, to pay £30 for a 30-second conversation. This was a time where my bank account was pleading for me to file for bankruptcy. Who would know that an unforeseen introduction would lead to the first business partnership that would accelerate the development of The Adversary & Archive of Unmateralised History four weeks later?
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