My A-to-Z of Sex Pleasures
Since I discovered and embraced my true sexual self, I’ve been exploring my sexuality in a completely different way.
Before, I was a vanilla woman. My sex life was good. Yet, it was incomplete. There was an intensity I wanted to feel, but I wasn’t sure how I’d get it. I knew there were more sensations to explore.
The hunger that remained after sex (and often, during), wasn’t supposed to happen.
When I started dating Mr P., I finally discovered what I was missing all those years: I’m a kinkster. I’ve always been; I just didn’t know. That’s why I always felt incomplete in sex. Because I was incomplete!
I’m still exploring my kinky side — as I will, for the rest of my life.
Now, I’m always trying new things, and I have plans to explore my sexuality as far as it takes me.
Mr P. is a kinkster for about twenty years; he has been living an amazing sex life. He fully embraces his sexual self, with all its curiosity, kinks and fetishes. He’s not afraid or ashamed to try whatever he sees potential to please him.
A few days ago, he told me how much he’s loving seeing me developing my sexuality, discovering new sexual games and let go of my mental restraints.
As much as my sexual empowerment is my responsibility, my lover has been a great support and a pillar in this process. With him, I learn and experiment with new sexual practises; with him, I’m free to express myself in whatever way I wish.
In sex, I love vanilla practises as I do kinks and some BDSM. In this piece, I’m compiling my list of them, from A to Z.
Before I present it, I think it’s relevant to answer the question:
What’s the difference between fetish and kink?
A kink is any sexual practice that’s not normative, that goes out of the vanilla sexual spectrum.
For example, the missionary is a vanilla sexual position. But having sex in a vanilla position restrained with handcuffs is considered being a kink (because being restrained is not conventional.)
A fetish is not about a sexual act, but about sexual satisfaction. Fetishists get aroused by sexual and non-sexual stimuli, like a body part (feet or hair), an object, creatures (ghosts, for example) or a particular activity (being aroused with balloons or by defecation).
My A-Z sex alphabet
Let me introduce you to my sex alphabet. It gave me immense pleasure and fun to compile this list.
It was hard in some letters to choose one practice at the expense of others; I played a bit with the alphabet to include all that I wanted.
Still, there are a few kinks that were left out.
A — Anal Play
I’m a huge fan of anal play, as is Mr P.
I wrote a few pieces on this kink, namely on how pleasurable was playing with anal beads with my lover, and when I surprised him with rimming. I also wrote the piece, A complete guide for prostate play.
Anal play is extremely pleasurable. The anus — the opening and the anal walls — has countless nerve endings, which makes it an erogenous area. Got to make the best of it!
B — Biting
This is my top kink. I’m both a biter and one who loves to be bitten.
I’ve always been aware of this kink, but because all my relationships were vanilla, I never explored it; I’ve only tried it (a tiny biting) on rare occasions. The main reason was that I was afraid to be seen as a freak.
Because Mr P. enjoys pain-pleasure, he gave me green light to play with my biting kink. Even so, I need to put in place some self-control. When I’m high in pleasure, I sometimes bite too hard.
Communication being the key in kinky relationships — in particular, to clarify boundaries-, Mr P. established the places where I can’t bite, others where I can but softly, and the ones I can play freely.
On my end, I love to be bitten in my back and in my nipples. But my two weak-spots are my shoulders (I’m crazy about being bitten in my right shoulder) and in the back of my neck — it’s my ignition point. I turn into a volcano in eruption when my lover bites me there.
C — Choking
I learned I enjoy soft choking by chance, with a guy I dated a couple of years ago. He was fucking me from behind, we were both laid down on the mattress. When he was cumming, he held my neck. He didn’t do it on purpose; I guess it was the easiest spot for him to grab.
When his handheld my neck, I felt a kind of pleasure I never felt before. That moment, I knew I had added a kink to my list. But, as with biting, I stayed quiet…
Fast-forwarding to the present, it didn’t take long to Mr P. realise I like to be slightly chocked during sex, which means we do breath-play.
D — Domination
Enjoying BDSM came as a massive surprise for me. Never ever I thought I’d try it and, if I did, I’d enjoy it.
BDSM stands for BD: bondage and discipline; DS: domination and submission; SM: sadism and masochism.
After exploring impact games, Mr P. and I started exploring domination/submission games — he had experience with it, so it was easier for me to “follow” him.
By nature, in bed, I’m a submissive. However, I discovered that, like my partner, I’m a switch. This means I can incarnate either the submissive or the Dominator role.
As much as I love to be submissive, I’m discovering the pleasures of being a Dominator.
I wrote two pieces about it, and I’m sure I’ll have more stories to tell in my future.
I haven’t yet satisfied his last request, but I will.
I’m still trying to incarnate a full Dominator persona (I will be a Mistress). Besides the spirit, I need to find the perfect outfit; it will help me feel more confident and empowered. I want to offer my man the most pleasurable experience possible.
When Mr P. first showed me his electric sex device (an e-stim) I held back.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to try it on me. But when he turned it on, and I allowed him to touch my hand with it, I decided I wanted to try it on my body.
I’ve had electric sex several times now, during foreplay.
It’s fun, it’s sexy, and it’s absolutely beautiful! The neon colourful lights that run inside of the tempered glass wands add a magnetic visual stimulus to the act.
If you’re curious about electric sex, I have a piece on it; where I detail what it is and how I played with it: ElectroSex: the sensual power of electricity.
From all the impact sex toys Mr P. and I use, the flog is my beloved one.
Each impact toy delivers a specific sensation.
My lover's hands offer me the warm, levelled touch of him; the crop, a sharp localised sensation, and the whip a long, intense pleasure-pain. We have a cane, but I use it only as a giver, not a receiver. I hate it.
The flogger is a completely distinct sensation: it’s heavy, condensed; sharp but pleasing.
Maybe because the impact is spread in a larger portion of the body (unlike the crop and the cane that deliver confined sensations), it makes me surrender to it.
I love it when Mr P. plays soft flogging, but when I’m in the mood, I love it when he hits me harder.
This was a recent discovery for me. Golden showers are a fetish, one not very common.
A golden shower consists of your lover urinating on you, or vice versa.
People with this fetish can also be aroused by anything related to urine (in which case the fetish is more embracing. It’s named urophilia.)
For now, I’ve only done golden showers with my lover urinating on me, but we’re due a reverse play. It’s naughty, it’s fun and… why not?
This is the kink I know to have since ever. I can’t remember when I first acknowledged that pulling hair was a massive sexual teaser for me, but I know that when I discover it, I never let it go.
Unlike all my other sexual preferences — that I kept hidden — , I always made my lovers know how much I like my hair to be pulled.
Nothing excites me more than my lover sliding his hands over the back of my neck, filling his hand with my hair and pulling it, hard.
Especially when I’m being fucked from behind, hair pulling drives me crazy.
But even in missionary position, if my partner puts his hand on my neck and holds my hair… hmm, so good!
It’s the sweetest of my sweet spots.
Impact play was the first kink play I tried.
I always liked to receive a spank in the ass, my ex-husband did it, like other lovers I had. But that was far from being a proper spank…
Since I embraced my kink side, I’ve been exploring the borderline sensations our body receives. Being a writer and an academic by heart, I like to learn what research teaches us.
About pain-pleasure, there’s a lot to be said — science explains why we get pleasure with pain. I learned about it when I wrote my piece: The anti-stress power of a spanking.
But not only impact play delivers a level of pain. Other kinky practices also do it. Usually, I only have pleasure-pain with impact play. Sometimes I can have it with biting or the pinwheel (more about this further on), but mostly it’s with impact play.
Japanese Rope Bondage
Like most of my kinky experiences, I tried Japanese rope bondage — shibari — recently.
Unlike I was expecting, it was a very sensual experience.
Mr P. was curious about it and want it to try it. I did it for him, but immediately I became a fan of this form of art.
It’s a quiet activity, very different from what we are used to doing; but the experience was magnificent. I felt closer to him in a different way.
I also wrote about it (what else), on this piece: My First Experience With Rope Bondage.
Despite my choice for the K letter is not as specific as all my others, I chose “Kinkster” for a reason.
It was only after having lived years of fulfilled but incomplete sex that I finally had the courage to pursue my desires.
As I wrote before, I had no idea what I wanted from sex. I just knew I wanted more. I wanted different. I wanted to feel deeper.
It was only when I started dating Mr P. that I fully embraced my sexual self. I’m still discovering who I am as a sexual being. I still have a lot to explore.
I want to be comfortable in a Dominator role. I want to perform more role-playing. I want to feed my fantasies.
I wish to live my sexuality in its completeness.
I chose Kinkster on the K letter because it has a significant meaning to me. It was only after I discovered I’m a kinkster and I embraced it that I became sexually happy.
My piece of advice to you is: find who your sexual self is and explore it. You deserve the best sex you can have. We all do.
I’m a sucker for lingerie, I always was.
If I could afford it, I’d have a wardrobe full of it — in different shapes, colours, styles and purposes.
Since I started with power games (Domination/submission) and fantasising with role-playing, my lingerie preferences took a different direction.
I still love my laced sets, with several pieces or full-body. But now I wish to add to my collection pieces like high heel boots, latex suits, and corsets (I want those so much).
Lingerie empowers my female and sexual self. I feel more confident and seductive.
You might think masturbation shouldn’t be on my list of kinks and fantasies, but because it had such an impact on my sex life, I had to include it.
Before my sexual revolution (pre-kinkster), my masturbation style was a straightforward one. I used a vibrator or my fingers, watching porn or not.
Since I engaged in rich, fulfilled sex, I changed my masturbation “style”.
Now I use a bigger variety of toys (dildos, vibrators, bullet vibrators, butt plugs, nipple clamps and even a pinwheel!)
While before, for me, masturbation was a sexual relief, now it’s a sexualised moment. One I make time for, and I enjoy every bit.
I don’t masturbate to have an orgasm, as before.
I masturbate to connect with my body, with my sensuality; to explore my erogenous areas all over my body.
Now, I have sex with myself. Before I orgasmed. There’s a big difference between these two types of masturbation. Both are good, but the first one is incredible.
I discovered my fascination for nipples some years ago, but I had no luck. The guy I was dating at the time didn’t like me to play with his nipples, so I stopped trying.
The next guy I dated didn’t mind with it, but I could see he wasn’t a fan as well. Maybe it was how I was playing with it, I don’t know.
It doesn’t matter anymore: Mr P. loves nipple play, and I couldn’t be happier.
I’m not very sensitive on my nipples, so the reverse game doesn’t do much for me (although Mr P. is trying different ways of exploring my low nipple’s sensitivity).
I love to pinch my lover’s nipples, to clip them with nipple clamps and pull them. I taste them, lick, bite, suck…
I’m a nipple-playing kind of gal.
I wrote about my experience with outdoor sex, in my piece An after-dinner fuck in the forest.
I never thought outdoor sex could be so exciting. Of course, the fact you’re doing something “wrong” adds excitement. But to me, the fact that someone could be watching us turned me over in an unexpected way. Am I an exhibitionist?
Oh, let's talk about my beloved pinwheel.
I have a love-hate relationship with this kinky sex toy. I love — so, so much! — using it on Mr P. but I kind of hate-love when he uses it on me.
The pinwheel delivers a sharp sensation, like it’s cutting your skin — which can happen if you use it hard.
In the beginning, even having it running softly over my skin made my spine chill; I didn’t like it. But the more I used it on Mr P., the hornier I got. Which, as a result, made me want to use it on me.
I truly can’t quite describe my relationship with the pinwheel.
At the moment, we have three: one ball single-bladed (one the photo) another one single-bladed and one double-bladed.
I love to sit on top of Mr P. and run one pinwheel over his chest and run other over mine. It’s so hot! It’s all about how much force you use with it. I’m not very gently when playing with it, I always leave a beautiful red, dotted trail on my partner’s body.
Queening is the same thing as face-sitting — you position yourself on top of your lover, to receive oral pleasure.
The Queening denomination is associated with the fact the woman has the power — she is the queen.
I’m a huge fan of this position, as is my partner. I have full control on how he delivers the cunnilingus. It’s spectacular.
I’m a sucker for being restrained.
When Mr P. handcuffs me, my mind immediately shuts off.
By giving him full power over my body, I allow my mind to stop. I’m completely feeling.
We play a lot with restraining, not only with impact play but also with feather tickling or simply to explore each other’s body, not allowing the receiver to move. It’s delicious and I love it!
I’m very curious about the swingers lifestyle.
Mr P. was one for years. He never asked me to swing (nor he will), but we talk about it, often. Curious as I am, I love to learn about things.
The more I know, and the more I explore my sexuality, I feel that it’s something I eventually can try.
I will only do it if I’m absolutely sure I want to. When the world opens the doors again, I will go to a swinger’s club, but not to engage in sexual activities. I want to see it, to feel the dynamics. From there, I’ll see where it takes me. No pressures at all.
About this topic, I wrote the piece: He Loves the Swingers Lifestyle But I’m Not Sure If I Will.
I have a fantasy of a threesome, one FMF (female-male-female).
The idea of MFM doesn’t pull me away, but I wish to try the female version first. Don’t ask me why, it’s just a preference. Maybe because I never had sex with a woman?
This is a fetish of Mr P., but it’s one I’m going to do, soon.
When I told him I was writing this piece, he got the equipment for urethra sounding out of the drawer, but we got excited with something else (can’t really remember what) and we didn't do it. But it’s on the list.
Urethral sounding consists in introducing an item into the urethra. It’s a medical procedure, but it’s also used in sexual plays.
Mr P. has specific equipment for it, and he enjoys doing it once in a while. Because it’s a risky practice, I’m not very comfortable with the idea of doing it, but he’ll guide me all the way through it, so I trust I’ll do a good job.
My guess is that’s something we’ll do rarely, I don’t want him to take (unnecessary) risks. All my readings on the topic highlighted the risks of infection.
Wax play is also a kinky favourite. I love to do it as a giver and a receiver, it’s so hot! Literally and metaphorically.
In the wax play, you melt candle over your partner’s body. There are specific candles for it, ones that melt at a lower temperature than the ones you normally buy in shops.
I wrote about this topic on my piece Wax Play: Hot, Pleasurable, and Arousing.
I also wrote about when we got too excited while playing with wax (me tied up, and both of us hyper horny), and Mr P. set my hair on fire. You can read it here.
I never saw myself as a voyeur (even less an exhibitionist.) But since I fully opened my mind to all of what sex has to offer, I’m curious about how it feels to see someone having sex — for real, not through a screen.
Swinger clubs and dungeons are places where people have sex, allowing other’s watching them. Both places are on my list to go, and I will not turn my head to the other side if I come across someone having sex in front of me. Hell, no!
X — scissors position
I confess: I couldn’t find a kink or fetish with the X letter, so I got creative here.
One of my favourite sexual position is the scissors one (X). It gives me deep penetration, physical closeness with my partner, and allows him to have free hands to grab my flesh or hair. All of this with eye contact! I love it.
And, of course, I wrote about it: Why the sex position scissor is one of my favourites.
I have nothing for Y!
Z — Zapper
Zapper is related to electro-sex, more specifically, an electro-wand or, as the urban dictionary defines it: “The act of pleasuring a woman by inserting a 9-volt battery into her vagina, delivering a shock of happiness.”
I tried electro-sex in all my body, including my vagina, but not yet inside me. But I’m curious about it. I also want to try electrical nipple clamps. It must be so cool!
And I want Mr P. to try electrical butt plugs.
Sex can be so fun!
There you go, this was my A-Z sex alphabet. I had a great time writing it!
I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know what are your preferences.