Today is not that day.

One day, I’ll wake up without regrets. I’ll wake up and I’d meet the day happily. Because on this day, I’d have made my peace with my choices. I’d have made my peace with your choices too. I’d no longer regret what happened between us.

One day, I’ll not beat my soul to death thinking about you. I’ll not run a million different permutations of how things could have gone for us if only you had chosen not to leave. I’ll not ruin my day by thinking about the fact that you will find someone — yes, that special someone unlike me — who you’ll never leave, while I have those bouts of pining for your love.

One day, thoughts of you, us, and all the love we had will not send me careening through the cold, deathly world of depression. Instead, I’ll sport a serene smile. Because on this day, I’ll have found my tranquility through acceptance.

But today is not that day.

And that’s why it’s so hard.