Emotional bubble
My emotionally secure place
We all have personal spaces around us. These spaces are where we feel secure. When someone gets into this space, we feel uncomfortable and sometimes even violated. Our personal spaces are like bubbles and when someone invades this private space, they burst our bubble. I’m sure you’re able to recall your favorite quote about where one’s freedom ends. The quote sure applies to private space.
Our private space includes our emotional bubble. This space helps us be vulnerable with those whom we choose to be so, on account of trust. Children too have these emotional spaces and their caring adults are those with whom they feel vulnerable and safe enough to share parts or all of those spaces.
How do we get access to the child’s emotional space?
Like any private space, access to the emotional space is based on trust, sense of security and the connection with the adult. All these elements enable the children to allow the caring adults into their sphere. It is imperative to have an emotional connection with the children who perceive us as caring adults. This connection fills their marble jar of trust and hence they feel comfortable in granting access to their emotional space. A child, especially a teen, who doesn’t have many caring adults is at higher risk of poor academic performance, substance abuse, teen pregnancy and depression. Research shows that that number is 3 excluding parents — the bare minimum.
However, without the emotional connection, we’ll be infringing into a space uninvited violating their privacy and bursting their bubble.
Should I give a child access to my emotional space?
Before we answer that question, let’s think about how the adult emotional space looks. As adults, we have varied life experiences compared to our children. However, not all of those experiences are relevant or digestible by a child, even if the child is a teen. While there’s value in being vulnerable with the child, a complete exposure of our space would shatter theirs. Hence, we have to be very conscientious of what we are giving access to, and how much we are letting our guard down.
Extremes of full exposure, and no visibility are equally detrimental to the child. We are able to make the cognizant choice of what to share with the child only when we have had a chance to return to equilibrium. To do so, we would need to have our own set of caring adults whom we trust enough to share, and be vulnerable with. Resources and professional help are available for those who might not have such a support system. As parents, we need to model the right behavior to our children, and take help from appropriate channels to maintain our emotional wellness.
Can their bubbles burst?
Absolutely. Children, especially younger ones, have a flimsier wall which tends to break very fast. When we intentionally (or unintentionally) dump our emotional burden or our garbage on them, when we violate their privacy without a strong enough connection, when we don’t nurture or cater to their emotional needs, or when we refuse to respect their emotional boundaries, their bubble bursts and it becomes very hard to them to build this bubble back around them. They loose their self-esteem, self-confidence and faith in us.
When a child with a burst bubble grows up into an adult, they continue struggle with emotional wellbeing issues. Parents need to help the children learn to protect and promote their emotional welfare.
What should we teach them?
As parents, we should first show by example that emotional bubbles are important. Secondly we should give them the tools to protect theirs. Lastly we should concentrate on making the connection with them strong enough for them to trust us. Protecting one’s emotional bubble and having trusted relationships that can bolster the emotional well-being are very important skills and vital parts of one’s emotional quotient.
