House rules
A set of principles and laws that define a household
Setting the stage
What is one thing that helps countries maintain peace? The picture gives it out — a law book. A country’s rule book has the fundamental principles by which all the people living in the country have to abide by. When the laws are broken, there are consequences.
The laws of a country are amended as times change requiring some rules to be added, modified, or deleted. In the US for example, laws are tracked using numbers. The courts decided the consequences of breaking rules. People who follow the laws correctly are sometimes given awards and recognitions.
Why do the laws have to change? Let’s take US voting laws as an example: We started with only land owner men voting and in the last 245 years, we have come a long way. The changes have been brought about as the previous laws were deemed inadequate or overly restrictive.
A home: Smallest unit of governance
A house is no different from a country in its pursuit of peace and harmony. The family members are the citizens of the country. Just like the country has some fundamental principles guiding its progress, the family too has some governing rules. These rules are collectively called the house rules of that particular household.
How are the rules in the house decided?
The house rules can’t be inadequate, overly loose or restrictive for any member of the family. While everyone’s inputs should be taken into account, the rules are often designed by the heads of the household. In order to have just and fair rules, the heads of the household need to take into consideration the core values of the family.
What about handed down rules?
Just like the laws and the regulations of the land, house rules too get outdated. For sure, the heads of the household are used to different set of rules in their parental homes! While laying down their own rules, it’s important to:
A. Have an open mind and actively listen to understand
B. Find a balance and common ground
C. Finalize the core guiding principles first as these form the framework for the rules
D. Don’t shy away from obsoleting rules
E. Do it together — it’s a democracy
Implementing the rules
Everyone in the family needs to have a clear understanding of the house rules and the consequences. A family meeting with the immediate members of the family helps to set the foundations straight. During the meeting:
- Propose the rules and listen actively for feedback
- Offer explanations and show the links to the core values, when there’s disagreement
- Revisit any justified disagreements
- Write up the finalized rules and put in convenient places for everyone to refer to
Family meetings should also happen periodically where revisiting of rules is permissible.
What to do about house rules when guests come?
When visitors come to another country, they have to still follow the laws of the country they are visiting. Same with house rules. Anyone coming in has to abide by the rules. Bending and flexing the rules for people who visit or stay temporarily makes it unfair to the members of the house.
Conclusion
Remember no one should be above the law. Hence after the rules are laid out, and agreed upon, everyone follows the rules. The consequences are also for all. To encourage younger and older children, positive consequences (benefits) of following the rules can be implemented. Example of simple, inexpensive benefits:
- Picking the next family activity
- Handmade family recognition award
- Master of the next family meeting
Rules are integral to maintaining peace and harmony. Teaching children starting at a very young age helps them become responsible as they grow into adults.
