Remove the negative bias
Light up your face, and fill up their hearts
Introduction
We all have a negative bias. Yes, you, me and everybody! What’s a negativity bias? We look for negativity in others. We are quick to judge them, and we complete their sentences (in our mind) before they can finish talking. There are many reasons why we do this — Could be that we think of ourselves as superior, we don’t have the time to know more about the person, we feel threatened and many more.
Our negativity bias affects our relationships. We criticize, we stonewall, we become defensive, and we exhibit contempt. This according to Drs. Gottman are the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When the relationship with a child, the child’s self-esteem gets really dinged. Thus the relationship with the parent starts to wither.
I like to quote Toni Morrison here.
When a child walks in the room, your child or anybody else’s child, do your eyes light up? That’s what they’re looking for.
With negativity bias
When a child walks into the room, we look at the child and our thoughts rush in the negative direction:
Where did the child leave their shoes or why are they wearing them?
Why is the child dressed so?
Did the child finish the work?
Is the child going to disturb me?
What does the child want from me?
…
Now, to understand the child’s perspective, take a selfie or look in the mirror when these thoughts come. Does the facial expression look inviting, showing warmth, love and care? Probably not.
Without negativity bias
When a child walks towards you, take a deep breath, think about some positive thing about the child. If there’s nothing to think about, then just think about something that gives you happiness. This one-second activity shifts the negativity to positivity temporarily. In that brief moment of shift in thinking, we are able to smile at the child. A smile is the switch that lights up the eyes. There’s a beam of warmth and love towards the child. The child’s thirst is immediately quenched.
The child is looking for a smile, a small dose of love, a caring adult when they walk towards you. It’s a small investment — actually a very tiny one — a smile! But the return on investment (ROI) is huge — a child who has a sense of belonging and security! A second of your time, a shift in gear temporarily, can change lives.
