I Feared People All My Life

Bullies have always been present in my childhood (physical abuse) and as an adult (emotional abuse).

I always doubted myself. I tried to gain my abusers’ trust by being super friendly to them. I became a people pleaser, but that backfired. I felt awful and insignificant.

“Fearing people is a dangerous trap.” (‭‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭29‬‬:‭25‬a ‭NLT‬‬)

Right before I went on disability, I was made to believe that I wasn’t a good pastor, hadn’t received adequate education, and wasn’t well equipped to lead my current sophisticated (corporate-minded) church. Then, I was thrown under the bus.

I believed them.
I felt shame.

I still feel shame. My counsellor says that might be why I haven’t attended my church in months. I think she’s right.

I just can’t.