I Have This Fear of Staying at Home Alone

No, it’s not like agoraphobia; it’s different

It’s about being alone with my thoughts. I’m afraid of suicidal ideation, of planning my death. Keeping myself busy with house chores usually helps, but on days like today, when pain is above average, I need to look at other remedies.

That’s why I came to Starbucks again this afternoon. This is my safe place. I cannot stress this enough. I owe my life to the ability to have a location, like a panic room (except I don’t scream! lol), where nothing (including my thoughts) is going to hurt me.

And then (honey, if you’re reading this, it’s about you now), I have no words to express how much I appreciate the gift of this iPad. My wife gifted it to me on my 50th birthday. An iPad Pro! For someone who does. Not. Work. But she believed in me; she saw the potential in me. So here I am, pouring my soul into this blog using the tablet she generously gave me.

You see? I went from having “negative thoughts” at home to smiling as I type these words.

What about you? What do you do when your mind attacks you? What helps? Do you have any tips to share with us?