One or Two-Way Friendship?

Who is your real friend?

Since I was a small child, people have known who I was. Not in the popular type of way or famous, but being either the preacher’s son or the preacher himself later on in life, I couldn’t hide. People would greet me out of nowhere at Walmart, the grocery store, the gas station, or my neighbourhood’s street. Since I had a column with my picture on it for many years, members of my denomination across the country recognized me when I visited their churches.

I had dozens of conversations throughout the week, especially during the weekends. The vast majority were pleasant, and I felt, if not loved, at least appreciated by everyone. You could say I had lots of friends.

Or did I?

Twenty years of pastoral service provided many acquaintances. During that time, I had a few friends in every church I could confide my problems and inquietudes. They were completely safe, discrete and confidential. Then, disability came with all its strength. I no longer occupied a position of power and influence and seemingly stopped attending church.

That’s when it hit me.

Who was my true friend? People I’d talk with regularly disappeared from my phone iMessages app. That meant we were communicating only because I was their pastor and they were in the leadership team. Many of who I believed were friends were downgraded to the acquaintance floor.

Now that I have a lot of time to think, I’ve noted something else. None of the individuals who remained friends, who I can confide in, come to me with their questions or share their ups and downs. They are one-way friendships.

Of the many thousands of people who know me in Canada, the USA and Europe, only two are two-way friends. And one of them is not even from my denomination — we met online.

I’m not the only one with a tiny circle of friends. I know that. What affected me the most was how scores of friends downgraded to mere acquaintances once I got sick. Does it make sense?

One person has been a constant throughout my ministry — my wife. She’s truly my best friend, and I’m not saying it like a cliché. It is a two-way friendship with no filters. It’s love in its purest form. With a friend like her, I don’t need anyone else.