May 3, 2022
Somebody Explain Depression To Me, Please.
I don’t understand my brain. Why is it broken? Why does it play tricks on me?
I’m always sad. I’m tired of acting normal, wearing a face mask made of skin.
Doing Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) for over twenty years hasn’t gotten me anywhere. I got rid of suicidal ideation with Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT), which physically rewires the brain, but not CBT. Talking therapy doesn’t work for me anymore; words alone can’t fix me, and ECT messed up my mind for years.
All my psychiatrists (five and counting) run out of ideas. They say that I have severe depression resistant to treatment. Hence, my disability status. It embarrasses me to say that I’m on so many meds that the pharmacy has to manage them. Oh, and cure-it-all CBD doesn’t even touch depression!
What other options do I have? Don’t answer. Scratch that question. I am not seeking advice; I want to vent, scream, swear and punch the walls. And then I want to go to bed and fall asleep immediately. Somebody explains depression to me, please. I don’t understand my brain. Why is it broken? Why does it play tricks on me?
Josue is freaking tired of being depressed.
