Today, Church is at Starbucks

Something forced can’t be enjoyed

I’m sitting at Starbucks, just a few blocks from the church, deciding whether to attend today’s service. I’m fighting a panic attack, even after taking the most potent pill I have at my disposal.

If it were just me, I would’ve stayed home safe. Our church provides an excellent stream of the service, so I don’t miss anything when I don’t attend in person.

But I think of my daughters and our family as a whole. It is so special when we do things together! I want church to be one of those occasions when we sync and experience something jointly.

I drove them to the building so they don’t have a vehicle to go back home. I did it purposefully to force myself to get out of the house. Still, I can stay at Starbucks throughout the service and pick them up when it’s over.

A question you could ask me is, what do I gain from attending church? At this moment, nothing. Anxiety is way too strong to let me relax enough to enjoy the music and the words of the pastor. I just can’t! The entire focus is on breathing slowly and staying put.

Man, I’m so tense. I’m trying not to hyperventilate.

Breathe in, breathe out. This is oK, Josué, you’re fine. Your family understands. God knows your heart. You are safe here. Take another sip and keep reading the Bible and write about it.

Today, church is at Starbucks.