Two Forms of Respect
How I Teach My Children to Honor People They Like and Don’t Like
I teach my children about two forms of respect: ‘everyday respect’ and ‘big respect.’
Everyday Respect looks like kindness and compassion. It looks like being mindful of others; its courtesy and polite manners. It’s something all people inherently deserve, simply by being human. It makes us feel good and helps us have a nice day. And, it says something about the person who offers it.
Even if you don’t like someone, you can still be kind to them. For example, you don’t have to like your cashier’s attitude to smile and say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ when they scan your groceries. It makes you feel good. It says something about who you are. It offers a small grace because, hey, maybe they’re having a bad day? You just don’t know. And by offering everyday respect, you choose not to assume, blame, accuse, or dishonor that human being. Maybe they just needed to see someone be kind to uplift them. Maybe not. But choosing to be kind costs you very little and sometimes makes a very big difference in others’ lives.
Big Respect is much greater than it’s everyday counterpart. It looks like loyalty. It has a deeper feeling attached to it, warm and strong. It’s looking up to and emulating someone’s character. What a high honor to have this respect from you! This honor can be lost because it’s not freely given; it is earned. Healthy boundaries means protecting this piece of yourself and not giving it away until that person proves they are worthy of it, because it can be abused and manipulated. When they have this from you, it says something about the person receiving it.
That person might be a parent, a teacher or coach, a spiritual leader or friend. Whoever it is, to have this from you means they go above and beyond. It says they have your back, that they are trustworthy, reliable, and good. It shows that their character and presence has a deeply positive effect on you.
To earn ‘big respect’ you first have to build a foundation of ‘everyday respect.’ As a parent, I can teach this by emulating it for them.
How can you cultivate everyday respect today? Who do you give your big respect or receive it from?
