How I’m learning to set life-saving boundaries

Without boundaries, empathy can easily turn into codependency — a life-sucking relationship where one person is expected to be the emotional savior of another.

Resentment creeps in and inevitably burnout follows. What was originally intended as a generous act turns into what feels like a cursed obligation.

So how do we set boundaries to avoid the subtle transition to codependency?

Truthfully, I’m still in the process of learning this, but here are some thoughts on what I’ve discovered so far.

Healthy, sustainable empathy begins with self-care. If I’m not able to recharge and be compassionate towards myself, I’ll have little, if any, capacity to show empathy towards others.

Being realistic about what is under my control (and not under my control) helps me identify helpful boundaries. I am responsible for my own actions, words, perspectives, etc., but I can’t ensure someone else’s happiness.

Setting boundaries is tricky and sometimes I need to adjust them. Contrary to what the name might imply, boundaries aren’t always black and white. They may vary depending on the people involved and the situation. And sometimes they need to change as I change.