Interrogating with heart

I recently watched a design documentary where they used interrogation to design with empathy.

Interrogation and empathy? Aren’t they opposites?

As I continued watching, I realized the two don’t have to be opposed. When empathy is the goal, our questions become heartfelt gestures that we care and truly want to understand.

The difference between interrogation that leads to criticism or judgment and interrogation that leads to empathy is a willingness to learn.

If we’ve already made up our mind about a person or situation, then asking questions is a mere formality to prove we’re right.

But if we approach a person or situation with curiosity — acknowledging we don’t have all the information, we’ll better understand what’s going on and expand our capacity to empathize.

One of the best indications we’re interrogating with empathy in mind is the wording. Open-ended, judgment-free questions help us learn more.

• What’s most frustrating to you about this situation? Why do you think that is?
• You mentioned your perspective on X, can you tell me more about that?

Presumptive or leading questions signal we’re heading for criticism or defensive dialogue.

• Are you just frustrated because they skipped you?
• Weren’t you making an excuse?