Seeking clarity vs making assumptions
Not long ago a family member generously offered to throw a baby shower for me. As we began discussing the logistics of living at opposite ends of the country, it became apparent that both of us were making (generous) assumptions.
“You probably don’t want to fly and deal with jet lag when you’re 6 months pregnant.”
“I don’t want this to be an imposition for you to host — a mail-in shower is probably easier for you.”
We thought we were being gracious to the other by making these assumptions, but it wasn’t what either of us really wanted.
I was quite hesitant at first to be truly honest about what I wanted and to hear what they honestly wanted. But after a candid conversation, we finally got clarity and ended up with a win-win plan for the shower.
That clarity allowed us to truly empathize with each other and completely transformed the conversation.
Sometimes showing empathy is a matter of getting clarity.
“I heard you say…. Can you tell me more about what you meant?”
“What I’d really like is…. Now I’m curious to understand — what would you really like?”
