The honest truth about disappointment
Broadly speaking, disappointment can either be caused by something within our control (i.e. our own actions or decisions) or by external factors outside of our control (i.e. the actions of another person, natural disasters, illness, etc.). The latter is what I struggle with most.
When my expectations are dashed by external factors, part of me wants to give up hope — to censor any expectations that arise and assume the worst. Maybe then I can protect myself from any more pain.
The other part of me begins blaming myself — if I had only done X or if I hadn’t done Y, things might have worked out. Blaming myself shifts the disappointment from outside my control to something (in theory) I can control. It doesn’t necessarily make me feel better, but the illusion of control (shaming myself) masks the anger, fear, and sadness of a disappointment I can’t manage or prevent.
Sadly, neither reaction helps longterm.
I don’t have a quick fix (or any ‘fix’ for that matter), but I’m learning to recognize what is and isn’t within my control. It’s the start of being honest about my emotions. I’m still figuring out where to go from there.
