Words matter — useful phrases for deescalating conflict

When it comes to disagreements, what we say and how we say it make a significant difference in the outcome of the conversation.

It’s important for us to choose our words carefully, but often that’s a challenge when we’re caught up in the emotion of the moment.

Here are a few helpful phrases and questions to know so you can practice using them the next time there’s a conflict.

• Can you clarify what you meant when you said [____]?
• What I hear you saying is [____]. Is that accurate?
• I’d like to better understand your perspective. How did [____] make you feel?
• Thanks for sharing — I know it might not be easy to talk about [____].
• When you did/said [____], I felt [____].
• What’s most frustrating to you about [____]? Why is that?
• What does your preferred outcome look like?
• Perhaps we could work together to resolve this by [____].