Our Empathy Deficit
In 2006, then Senator Barack Obama gave the commencement speech at Northwestern University:
The world doesn’t just revolve around you. There’s a lot of talk in this country about the federal deficit. But I think we should talk more about our empathy deficit — the ability to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes; to see the world through those who are different from us — the child who’s hungry, the laid-off steelworker, the immigrant woman cleaning your dorm room.
This is the first time that “empathy deficit” came into the public lexicon. We now see the fruits of that deficit: we are fractured as a country (and globally); we focus more on what divides us than what connects us. The national gun control debate rages on while we become accustomed to the news of mass shootings in America. The rise of nationalism and white supremacy is reaching alarming levels and putting our democracy at risk. Police violence is killing Black and Brown neighbors across this country. The advancement of technology has us trusting our smartphones more than each other. We feel disconnected to the work we do and float through life without purpose or a sense of joy. At the heart of this issue is a divide in values: those of us who value empathy and those who seemingly do not.
Michelle Obama invokes the same lack of empathy in her Democratic National Convention speech, and this time it appears that we’re even further away from fostering empathy than we were 14 years ago. She states: “right now, kids in this country are seeing what happens when we stop requiring empathy of one another.” Read more about this speech in Why Did I Write this Book? Article). Simply put, we’re suffering from a deep empathy deficit that comes from the top of our country, and we’re in the midst of a national reckoning around our lack of empathy and community care.
Empathy Deficit Disorder
“Empathy Deficit Disorder” (EDD), which is not an actual diagnosis, but should be one according to Dr. Douglas LaBier, a psychologist and the director of the Center for Progressive Development. People who suffer from EDD are unable to step outside of themselves and be in tune with what others are experiencing. They also are not in touch with their own mindset, biases, and struggles.
EDD can lead to poor communication, conflicts, and hatred toward a specific group of people that does not fit into your world or life view. As Dr. LeBier says: “EDD grows when people focus too much on acquiring power, status, and money for themselves.” This is alarming, because we’re increasingly moving toward these values as a country.
The effects of EDD can be deep. “EDD keeps a person locked inside a self-centered world, and that breeds emotional isolation, disconnection, and polarization. That’s highly dangerous in today’s interconnected, globalized world.” Dr. LaBier sees this as the death of empathy — a world where you rely on yourself more and are less connected to other people. “Your sense of being a part of the larger interwoven community, which is absolutely necessary for survival in today’s world, fades away. And so does your awareness that we have to sink or swim together, help each other, and sustain the planet we inhabit, or else we’re all in deep trouble.”
Coincidence — or Not?
As I’ve looked back on my past and have been writing Empathy for Change, I’ve been doing some deep thinking about why we’re still suffering from an empathy deficit. I do not find this as a coincidence that my AmeriCorps service and the Barack Obama speech both happened in the same year. As I was leaning into the empathy that was leading me to serve, Obama was pointing out that we need more of it.
As I was being interviewed for a podcast yesterday, we dove deep into the message of the AmeriCorps pledge that shows what we’re currently lacking in this country — action. If you break down the pledge, it is chock full of values that I don’t recognize in today’s world:
I will get things done for America — to make our people safer, smarter, and healthier.
I will bring Americans together to strengthen our communities.
Faced with apathy, I will take action.
Faced with conflict, I will seek common ground.
Faced with adversity, I will persevere.
I will carry this commitment with me this year and beyond.
I am an AmeriCorps member, and I will get things done.
I personally believe that we would have a much more empathetic world if there was a compulsory service component — to show that community and care is valued. My journey in AmeriCorps had me living in a gutted out elementary school with 20 other corps members, we would gut and rebuild houses in 110 degree heat in full face respirators and Tyvek suits so that the mold of the Gulf Coast wouldn’t affect our health. That experience humbled me and gave me a perspective I still feel today. And, it gave me a commitment to make the world better. In a way, this book is a journey that started many years ago, and only came to fruition now.
My Theory + Big Idea
The effect of the empathy deficit is coursing through our bodies. When we don’t experience empathy from others, we feel shut off from others and feel shame; when we are given empathy, it leads to a deeper connection to one another. Empathy is not just an ephemeral feeling or emotion. It has a real application and practice that can be learned and improved over time.
In my time building cultures of change, I have created this equation:
Innovation = Positive Change = Empathy + Action
I’m here to convince you that empathy plus action is the catalyst for change. Without it we lack connection, and as humans we’re wired for it. What’s more, empathy is at the heart of innovation and positive change within ourselves, in our world, our organizations, and our workplaces.
We’re in a place where the deficit is larger that it may ever have been, and now’s the time to lean into being curious about each other, to be humble, to show that we’re not better than others. It involves centering ourselves then deciphering what others want and act upon that. It requires us to connect our head and our heart with our hand to move into action. I describe this much more in the book — and how we define empathy can teach us how to act.
Empathy for Change is coming out on January 25, 2021. To get the latest updates on the book and join my newsletter, visit EmpathyforChange.com.
