45 Congratulates Putin for Crooked Win
Promises to plan 2020 election with Russian Monarch
March 21, 2018
On Tuesday, the President declared friendship with Deputy Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman of Saudi Arabia, considered by many to be a repressive regime. During the public meeting, POTUS announced that he congratulated Vladimir Putin over the phone for being reelected to run an even more repressive regime.
The President remained true to form by shifting the meeting’s focus from US/Saudi relations to US/Russian relations. “I promised to call him again and ribbed him that we would Jew him out of his nukes because my son-in-law Jared can Jew anybody. After that, we can map out some strategies for the 2020 election.”
45 stopped the conference to Tweet:
The GOP will lose their asses this November, but with me back on the ticket and advise from Putin, the most successful canidate ever (NO ONE VOTED AGAINST HIM!!!) voters will cream their jeans over us like we were political pornstars.
The GOP will lose their asses this November, but with me back on the ticket and advise from Putin, the most successful canidate ever (NO ONE VOTED AGAINST HIM!!!) voters will cream their jeans over us like we were political pornstars.
After the meeting with Salman, reporters pelted POTUS with questions.
“Will I take election tips from Putin?” he acknowledged. “Absolutely. Look, Putin was able to run a free election with no fraud whatever.” 45 raised his voice as though speaking in all caps: “No fraud. Imagine that. Crooked Hillary got 66 million fraudulent votes. 66 million. Gotta do something about that.”
Putin was able to run a free election with no fraud whatever. Crooked Hillary got 66 million fraudulent votes. 66 million. Gotta do something about that.
He spoke over reporters rebound questions to add “I’ll tell you something else. He was elected to four terms. Twenty-four years in office. How’d’e do that? I think Americans want to know so I won’t have to step down after two.”
Reporters continued to lob questions about Russian hacking of infrastructure, their support of Syria and interference in the 2016 campaign. He brushed their questions aside. “Let me tell you, all your questions? Much ado about nothing. ‘Much ado about nothing.’ Sounds like a smart thing smart guys say. See I made that up on the spot cause I’m smarter than any of you. But reporters never trust the smartest guy in the room. I made that up too. ‘Smartest guy in the room.’ You never trust the smartest guy in the room because you watch CNN instead of getting your news from FOX and Facebook like real Americans.”
“All your questions? Much ado about nothing. ‘Much ado about nothing.’ Sounds like a smart thing smart guys say. See I made that up on the spot cause I’m smarter than any of you. But reporters never trust the smartest guy in the room. I made that up too.”
Even GOP lawmakers lambasted the President for congratulating Putin, foremost among them being arch Republican rival John McCain. POTUS blasted McCain and his allies with a late night Tweet:
“McSugar Cane et all don’t like me congradulating Putin. The man has brain cancer. I ask you: Who’se brain is kicking out sick ideas and who has the healthy smart brain?”
Wry noir author Phillip T. Stephens wrote Cigerets, Guns & Beer, Raising Hell, and the Indie Book Award winning Seeing Jesus. Follow him @stephens_pt.
