Jane Eyre’s Wedding Registry

We cordially invite you to join us at Thornfield on the morrow for a celebration of our nuptials, which is 100% certain to take place. Should you wish to bring a gift in honor of this wedding that is definitely going to happen, please consider one of the following items from our registry:

• Bed linens, so that we may rest in comfort after the exhaustion of our wedding day, definitely the first for both of us.
• Hand towels, monogrammed in honor of our blessed union, to which there is assuredly not a single impediment.
• Place settings, for all our meals as a happy couple after this wedding that is going to occur exactly as planned.
• Set of kitchen knives, so that we may prepare wholesome meals together, instead of Rochester constantly ordering takeout like the bachelor he has been this whole time up until now.
• Picture frames, for all the memories we will make of our happy life at Thornfield, a house which has stood for hundreds of years and is certain to be the home of our family for all the years to come.

Please note that although this is intended to be a small, private event, we are happy to welcome any friends or extended family members visiting the area who might wish to attend. We hope they will acknowledge the solemnity of the occasion by maintaining a respectful silence throughout the entire ceremony, and we would gratefully appreciate any wedding gift they may choose to bring, as long as it’s a tea set and not, say, an injunction or something.

Furthermore, in lieu of a gift from the registry, interested parties are also welcome to donate to our honeymoon/attic renovation fund. Our long-held dream is to one day refurbish that space at the top of the house which, as you all know, is at present completely unoccupied. For some reason, Rochester wants to put in ceiling sprinklers.

Sincerely,

Miss Jane Eyre