Man Adopts Corporate-Speak in Everyday Conversation

Robert Sloan, an evangelist for corporate-speak, is raising awareness for the rhetoric by adopting it in everyday conversation.

In a staged social encounter with his neighbour, Thomas Spencer, Robert demonstrated the elegance of corporate-speak as an alternative to communicating in plain English.

“Dear Thomas,” said Robert to Thomas, as he opened the door.

“I hope this finds you well.

“I am organising a movie event at the cinema with a group of acquaintances on Friday, the 18th of May at 8pm. The movie in question will be either Pirates of the Caribbean or Star Wars: The Force Awakens, as determined by the number of votes received.

“Please advise if you can attend, and if so, which movie you would nominate for watching.”

Thomas asked if the event was confirmed, to which Robert was candid but incredibly verbose.

“At this point in time, the event is scheduled for the 18th. Moving forward, if we do not attract sufficient confirmations by Thursday the 17th of May, then I will be forced to reschedule the event,” warned Robert. “In any case, I will circle back and update the group.”

Thomas tentatively accepted Robert’s invitation, citing his preference for Pirates of the Caribbean.

“Thank you,” said Robert, as he shook Thomas’ hand. “Kind regards.”