Terry From Accounting is Absolutely Slaying This Corporate Team-Building Retreat

Wheeldon, right, knows about the epic storm of awesome he is about to unleash on his co-workers.

When Qualcomm San Diego announced a corporate laser tag retreat, Terry Wheeldon knew this was his time to shine. Normally a quiet worker, Wheeldon, 33, broke free of his bland reputation thanks to a twice yearly team building trip where employees traded their dress shirts and ties for dress shirts and ties and laser guns.

“Who?” Kelsie Tillerson, VP of Sales, asked about Wheeldon just hours before the retreat.

After shotgunning some Natural Lights in the parking lot of Ultrazone with a couple of the guys from marketing, Terry smuggled a water bottle full of Tito’s in to the normally alcohol free venue. This daring move was immediately noticed as “uncharacteristically risky” and “a little bit hot”.

Feeling looser and more confident, Terry embarked on an impressive streak of one-liner jokes during Ultrazone’s mandatory “Game Master” speech. “Last time I was around this many lasers I was at a hemorrhoid clinic!” Terry quipped. Susan, the new secretary on the third floor practically did a spit take. The Game Master then informed the group that no pregnant women would be allowed to participate due to safety concerns. “Uh oh! Guess I’m out everybody!” a half-smirking Terry interposed, sparking at least 10 seconds of uproarious laughter from his peers. The Game Master confessed that he had literally never heard that joke before.

“Holy crap, that ruled,” an anonymous source said, “I wish I had thought of that. I mean, Terry? Pregnant? He can’t get pregnant, he’s a guy!”

After being briefed and assigned to teams, Wheeldon, seemingly possessed, showed off an incredible laser tag acumen, rising in to a leadership role and showing a surprising fitness level for someone his size. He also did this super sick thing where he shot someone on the other team like, through his legs. It was sick.

“To be honest, this kind of performance really took us all by surprise,” Mikey Dee, Associate Sales Rep and consensus coolest guy at the office admitted, ”I walk by that guy’s desk 6 times a day and I never knew how awesome he was.” Employees return to work tomorrow morning at 9am, and Dee does not expect this to be an isolated incident.

“Oh yeah. This definitely changes things.”

Editor’s Note: Mr. Wheeldon declined to respond to a request for interview. So freaking cool.