Thanks to Donald Trump, for “Merry Christmas” — and these other Handy Holiday Sayings…

When I heard that people are saying “Merry Christmas” more often, I was thrilled. And who wouldn’t be? There’s nothing more touching than hearing such a magical phrase wearily uttered by overworked retail employees to the soulless shoppers who never once acknowledge their existence.

Yes, I was thrilled but not surprised. After all, we already knew Donald Trump would lead us to a resurgence in Christmas greetings! He promised he would, and if there’s anyone who can be trusted to control the exercise of Christmas spirit, it’s a man who once banned his tenants from decorating for Christmas.

But while it’s nice that we’re saying “Merry Christmas” more, it’s important for us to recognize the other Christmas things we’re saying more too. Heartwarming phrases like “I’m dreading the discussion at my family’s Christmas dinner,” and “My family banned me from their Christmas gathering,” and “Immigration policy is keeping my family apart at Christmas.”

Sure, people have always said stuff like that around Christmastime, but there’s a different spirit in the air under Trump. Like, now when people talk about families being deported, it seems like they can hardly contain their excitement. They even wear little red hats! What wonderful Christmas spirit!

And it’s not just Christmas sayings. There are lots of things we’re saying more often — sometimes even in the form of a question! We’re asking lots of questions now, questions like, “Shouldn’t we listen to what this Nazi has to say?” or “How can someone be so bad at drinking water?” or “Okay, but why can’t we elect a pedophile to office?” If an inquisitive populace is the hallmark of a thriving democracy, we’re in good shape! God bless us, every one!

I, for one, am just glad we finally have a president who’s helping us say the same things over and over. It gives me hope for the future. It gives me hope for my future. After all, saying the same thing over and over again on TV every week is how you get to be president in the first place.