A lifetime of coming out
A trans woman reflects on the moments when she might have “cracked her egg” over the course of her life.
I “came out” as trans on July 4th, 2019. It was not the first time I had come out, nor will it be the last. Coming out isn’t like flipping a switch. Information propagates and spreads beyond your control, but it also occults and lags in unpredictable ways. I mark July 4th as my official “coming out” date. That was the date I changed my name on Facebook, the date I disclosed my transness beyond the small circle of trust that had kept my secret for me over the previous months, and the day I shifted from imagining a world where people would treat me like a woman to demanding it from the world. My coming out was messy and unplanned. I have immense respect for the trans folks I know who put together a coming out plan, who assembled an FAQ, or a spreadsheet, or even a checklist of who they needed to come out to. I was more haphazard about things: a Facebook post, updates to my name and gender on a handful of social media sites, and a change in my email signature line. After that, it was largely out of my hands.
But, as mentioned, this wasn’t the first time I’ve come out. I came out as trans over and over again throughout my life, but I didn’t know how to pair that coming out with the conviction needed to…
