A Limerick-Guide to Street Harassment
The dreaded “Hey baby, what’s wrong?”
Is sometimes fun to prolong.
Share your every affliction,
Who cares if it’s fiction?
He asked, so drag him along!
***
That unwelcome “Beautiful” is grand
To willfully misunderstand.
“My bag? Thanks so much!
It’s a Burberry clutch.
So impressed you can spot a name brand!”
***
“Where you going?” he asks with a leer.
You answer, straight-faced and sincere:
“Colonoscopy!
It’s scheduled at three.
This flare-up is pretty severe.”
***
It’s common for those of us curvy
To hear things all manner of pervy.
Eschew the profanity;
Just feign insanity!
Next time he won’t be so nervy.
***
Some nicknames demand a retort,
The overfamiliar sort.
Three seconds, maybe,
And you’re calling me “baby”?
Think HE’D prefer “munchkin” or “sport”?
***
One day when you’re out you may feel
Like adding a dose of surreal.
When faced with a dude
Who says something rude,
Just bark like a loud harbor seal!
***
A wolf-whistle gets your attention;
Critique it with harsh condescension.
“Your tone lacks finesse!”
“Your technique’s a mess!”
“Performance unworthy of mention!”
***
He stares like a large bird of prey.
I’ll ruffle his feathers today.
“Pardon me, but I think
It’s important to blink.”
Any luck and he’ll just fly away.
***
A walk in the park and you hear,
From his bench, he approves of your rear.
“What shins!” you reply,
“Great molars, I spy!”
“Now THAT’S a first-rate outer ear!”
***
I chuckle when seeing him proud
That his car engine revs really loud.
Intimidation?
Nah, compensation.
The truth? He’s not well endowed.
***
You hear a car horn and a yell;
You’d like to just say “Go to hell.”
Don’t skip a beat,
Applaud from the street!
Shout “Bravo!” and wave him farewell.
***
A note to kind menfolk worldwide,
Who may see it, but brush it aside:
You know it’s crummy,
So don’t play dummy.
Speak up! We need YOU on our side.
