Fifty minutes into a low budget conspiracy documentary

We should all be the illegitimate children of Princess Margaret
& to be ashamed is to slink down the hallway
& ask royalty where your mother is
& see her centerfold of the public eye
giving birth to you all over again.

& we should be so lucky to be so loved
by a mother who leaves us on an isle
by the sea with nothing but time to waste
by the shifting sands of a cold lake.

& we have given too much credit to the men
behind the curtain that executes orders for death
behind tragedy that we watch on screens from
behind our own fear

If we were ever loved enough to be human we should be dead by now
but by now we are human enough to be loved.
& I can live with that

when I watch more conspiracy theory documentaries
& try and not convince myself that lying is just as strong as living
& try and not convene with my former selves in the secrecy of night

splitting hairs and cutting corners,
I try and find a real mother
tedious ounces of truth spill my mouth

& I am royalty
by now
& I am
behind all of this.