Playground Rhymes Updated for Modern Times

I see London, I see France,

I see Claire is really good at finance.

***

Happy birthday to you,

You live in a zoo,

You look like a skilled zoologist

And you act like one too.

***

Say, say, oh playmate,

Come out and protest with me

And bring your signs three,

About our need for a new appointee.

Stride down my rainy street

And to my congressman’s door,

And we’ll be jolly friends,

Forever more — more — more!

***

Cinderella dressed in yellow,

Went upstairs to her stepfamily to bellow:

“I’m moving out on my own instead of waiting for some fellow.”

***

Missed me, missed me,

Now you’ve got to kiss bees.

(Because, really, who knows how much longer they will be around.)

***

Jingle bells, Batman tells

The man not to talk that way.

Batmobile is made of steel,

So the catcaller won’t get away.

***

Trick or treat, don’t smell someone’s feet

Without their consent complete.

***

I scream, you scream,

We all scream for equal pay becoming mainstream.

***

I won’t check the news before bed anymore, more, more.

It makes me think we’re all done for, for, for.

I can’t get any sleep,

Even if I conjure sheep.

So I won’t check the news before bed anymore, more, more.

***

I love coffee,

I love tea.

I love the boys

That don’t boysplain me.

***

Miss Susie had a steamboat,

The steamboat had a bell,

Miss Susie went to heaven,

The steamboat went to–

–Hello emotional labor

I’m on task ninety-nine

And if you think I’ll do one more thing,

I’ll kick you from behind.

***

Quinn and Taylor sitting in a tree

K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

First comes love, then maybe marriage,

And possibly kids, but only after an involved discussion about how to share

household duties, child care, and who is willing to be the primary liaison with

the PTA.